~my world~

2011-01-24T19:51:00.002+08:00

It had been a long time since I last blogged. For a moment, I was thinking what was so special to blog about recently. Then I realised, there is something that I had been wanting to type out, say out or even shout out.

4th January 2011, it was a very dreadful day for me... One of my project-work(PW) mates, Tharshini, passed away.

She was just 19 years old!!
She was just recovering from her illness!!
She was supposed to meet me soon!!

In my mind, I thought about how I fought hard for PW wif her, how the fact that some group members were weird didn't pull our moral down.. how we gossiped during PW meetings.. how she tried to dressed me up as a bad girl.. how she always look on the bright side of life..

I could think of a lot of reasons to miss her, to cry for the loss of her, to pray that this was just a dream..
I could also think of a lot of things that I were supposed to plan and do but I didn't..

The last time I saw Tharshini was around Jan'10. She borrowed chemistry notes from me. That day I was rushing for work, so I was having breakfast with her and I left in a hurry. The last sentence that we said was "see you soon... after ur promo k? bye"

After her promo, I was supposed to plan a class outing. But I was busy with work too, in the end, I decided to postpone class outing to Jan'11. She passed away on 04 Jan'11. She left before I even plan that outing and invite her. She just left all of a sudden.

If I knew that was my last time seeing her, will I still leave in a rush? Will I still say "see you again"? When I said "see you again", I should make the effort to meet up with her, but why didn't I do so?

It was all like a dream. It was as if she were still alive but busy with her live and couldn't meet any of us. Maybe not only to me, to many other friends, this just happened too sudden. A lot of us didn't have a chance to say goodbye to her while she was alive. A lot of us missed the chance to see her the last time before she passed away. A lot of us just couldn't accept the fact even when we were at the wake. The truth just didn't sink in.

It was really like a dream... I don't know how am I going to accept that she was gone.

2010-08-11T13:56:00.002+08:00

mon 9/8, national day.. I went to help out at the national day celebration at central district (bishan). On my way there, I accidentally passed by a funeral. I heard and saw the people crying over the loss of their loved ones. 看到这一幕，有一种说不出的伤感... 在当我们庆祝一些喜事时，另一边其实还有一些人面对着失去亲人的痛。原来，死亡是在你不知不觉的情况下，一步一步接近你的。它不会因为今天是新年或国庆日而免你一死。死亡并不恐怖，而是那要离开亲人的感想可怕。

tue 10/8, 1st day of uni.. I had lectures from 12pm - 6pm, although in the middle of lectures, there will be half an hr for me to travel and grab something to eat. But I was busy losing my way in the new environment and finding the correct path, so well, I didn't eat anything throughout. Thanks god, there is still momo who is in the same major with me. If not my life could had been worse.

2010-07-20T12:19:00.002+08:00

就在几天内，我的梦想就这样一个一个破灭了...

我真的很希望有一天醒来时，发现原来全部都是一场噩梦。但当我醒来时，我才发现原来噩梦才刚开始...

2010-07-10T23:11:00.002+08:00

Had been busy the whole day with niece's full mth preparation. But I went to cycling trip with mommy tay after 4pm.

It was great at first but there was this part which scared me. There was this group of ppl cycling slowly infront of us, so mommy tay tried to overshot them. I was riding on her left side and at quite a fast speed so I couldn't brake immediately and followed her to attempt the overshot. I didn't notice that there was another roller blader on her right side. So mommy tay was between me and e roller blader and I was between mommy tay and another group of cyclists.

Then the climax came. I suddenly felt a push from the right side. As I was halfway through the overshot process, I managed to maintain my stability. But I heard a loud bang from the right side behind. Immediately, I knew it was mommy tay. When I saw her on the ground, trapped by her bicycle, for a moment, my heart beats went faster. I knew she was injuried but I was a bit lost for actions.

Anyway, this incident is very scary. Mommy tay was smart to push me away if not I think I would have been injuried. I heard her said "我当时只想到把欣仪推开".. Really very touched..
------------------------------------
Shifu and some other colleagues are also ones who are very caring to me, especially recently I am sick. Shifu will go around nagging me, asking me to drink warm water, eat plain food and even offered me to stay at her house during this hard period. Haha. Others will also offer to me buy warm drinks like soya bean or tea. They are all nice people who I really treasure... Hope the bonding between us will stay strong even when I leave the company.

2010-07-07T22:33:00.002+08:00

In the past, mom will insist to cook dinner almost every night, make sure we eat healthy. Now, mom and dad come home very late every night. At first I still have sis to accompany me at night. But now, sis also went to camp. Left me alone at home. I hate to sleep alone at night. But today, I found a reason to stay up late, I bet $5 on spain for tonight match. So that I can stay up late, hoping or waiting for something. Not like an idiot, sit there aimlessly and stone.

First time betting on soccer. Hopefully, it will be my last. I don't really like gambling after all.
--------------------------------------------
Next week is my last week in CC. Part of me really hope that it will come faster cos I want some time of my own to do my favourite stuffs. But part of me can't bear to leave also scare of e new environment in uni. Haiz. See how things go.

2010-06-27T21:50:00.004+08:00

For a moment, I really thought that all misunderstandings with her were cleared when she smiled and talked to me as per normal. But I was wrong, the nightmare still has to continue... till this chapter of my life ends...

I seriously hate politics, class politics or work politics. Never once did I want to bootlick anyone, specially not to bootlick those who I really want to joke around and laugh together. I really wish to make them happy and laugh, not I want them to be on my side. If only outsiders could understand this too.

On a second hand, maybe I really did certain things overboard a bit. But I am really trying and am still working on this issue. I had been cutting down a lot of these...

I know I can't make everyone be satisfied with me. 人非圣贤，孰能无过... I made mistakes too and I am trying to learn from them. Please make things easier for me now. I am tired.

虽然难免会让他人讨厌我，但结果不是自己希望的，还是有点难过与无奈。我不希望到最后，她会是我讨厌与反感的人。更不希望把好友也拖进这烂泥里...

说话不经大脑的我，会注意自己的毛病。

i need a break.. from all the problems at home and in work.. i am feeling it's harder to breathe with so many problems there for me to face..

2010-06-19T20:13:00.002+08:00

Went back to yjc with Peiwen, Sengyie and Alex on thur (17 jun). We went back to collect our SGC. Haha. Suddenly, for some reasons, I miss my studying life in yjc.. But we didn't stay long as most of the teachers were away for school holidays. Just like mommy tay, so shuang, go korean for 7-8 days.
--------------------------------------------
Niece had been discharged together with sis, back home for resting. Haha. She is so so small in my hands. So fragile and small, but sometimes when she smiles, she managed to take away all my troubles. Now that with the new member in my life, I must save more $$ and time for her too. Not to mention my other family members and my adorable nephew. =)

I love little kids especially my nephew and niece. =)

2010-06-09T22:38:00.004+08:00

I had finally decided to set 18th july as my last day of work. 即使要走，也要走得潇洒一点... 与其让他人决定我的命运，倒不如自己决定自己的行程!! =)

I told mommy tay about it just now during dinner at toa payoh, she looked at me and commented, "那你的师父和同事们一定会很舍不得你..." haha.. I dunno if they will miss me a not but I know I will definitely miss the times with some of them.

这几个月的相处，我学会了每人处事的方法不一样，不能去批评他人的处事方式，只能给意见。对付不同的事件也应该有不同的方法，而且procedures是死的，人的思想才是活得。

最舍不得的人当然是师父，因为一进公司，我就开始跟她学习。我真的凭良心觉得师父很能干，很多难题到她手里都可以解决。虽然有些问题很费力，可是她还是可以克服它们。这些跟师父疯疯癫癫的日子真的很难忘，她让我感受到那种姐姐发自于内心的温柔也很难忘。只希望我的离开可以让new cde快快来报到，帮她减轻负担，因为我不想再看到师父的‘累水’了。虽然师父不会看到这一段，但我还是要说：“师父，徒弟快下山了，往后的日子你要多多照顾自己，不要忙坏身子。徒弟‘不要’师父了”

当然我也很舍不得其他跟我一起疯疯颠颠的同事，像是sl，ken，wen，cher，sk。这几个月，我早已习惯整天叫“S...L..啊”真的有一点难改口！就连师父这个外号我也叫惯了，真的难改口啊！ken和sk的冷笑话功夫也很难忘，心情再坏也会被他们的冷笑话冷死了，坏也坏不了。哈哈。wen和cher跟师父一样，会把我当妹妹一般地照顾。有时只要跟她们在一起就会觉得自己好像还是一个小妹妹。

我会想你们的..
天下无不散之宴席...

2010-05-29T23:01:00.003+08:00

I couldn't really remember what did I actually dreamt of. I only remember that I was feeling very emo in my dreams? Think it's something like last day of work. Haha. All shifu's fault, kept reminding me that I am leaving the company soon. Anyway, I must thanks mommy tay for messaging me. So I could wake up from the nightmare and just in time to prepare for work (7.30am). If not for her message, most probably I will be waking up in shock around 9am plus.

我很想留下来，能留多久就留多久... 虽然我喜欢埋怨薪水有多低，但我从没想过因这样而离开。可是我能帮他们的事就只能这么多，不能再跨越那个拘限。看着他们忙碌的样子、师父累得倒在椅子的样子和偶尔压力的眼神，突然我觉得师父以前说的一句话是多么的对，“他不明白我们须要的是一个perm staff 而不是一个temp staff。Temp staff 也不能帮我们多少。”每次听到new cde 可能会更迟些才来，我都会叹气，不是因为我急着要离开，而是这代表师父有要辛苦多几天。心里就算有多么不舍，我还是很希望new cde 快来帮他们减轻负担。快去帮帮我师父，她看起来有点辛苦。而我也只能默默地坐在她旁边，等她一起回家。

On a cheerful tone now, I had finally managed to have a proper dinner with mommy tay tonight. We were so busy that we could not meet up for a few months. So tonight dinner was a very good one and happy. =) And I am going to meet her another day to watch "Shrek Forever After" soon!!
-------------------------------------------
My nephew is a super adorable boy. He will go meow-ing after the cats and continue meow-ing at statue of tiger. Then when waiter or waitress placed the food on the table, he will go "wow" loudly and smiled at us. When waiting at the taxi stand, he will "bye" to every leaving taxi. So cute!! I wonder how dull life will be without him. He has never fails to make us smile and laugh at him.

11/06/2010 is the expected due date for my niece. Haha. I am excited about the arrival of a new life. I love babies. Their smiles are the most innocent thing on earth. They will smile when they are happy and cry when they are sad. So pure...

2010-05-26T23:24:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was a very bad day for me. Although it was not the worst yet but still equally as bad...

First thing in the morning, I quarrelled with my mom just because she spilled the soya bean milk while pouring a cup for me and then it became my fault. You know, menopause people can be unreasonable majority of the times. So I didn't really bother over it.

Went to company and discovered that there was this transaction on last saturday which I gave the person his receipt and forgot to take $30 from him. This resulted in my shifu's cash box lack of $30. So I was actually feeling very sad and guilty over it.

And when night came, one of the colleagues accidentally vented her frustrations on me. So I felt kind of super sad already but I didn't cry, just that my face switched to non-smiling. Other colleagues could sense it and came forward to ask me to chill.

I think my mom could sense something was wrong with me. Normally I would on the light and wait for my sis to off it when she goes to bed. But yesterday I off the light and lied on the bed. Mom actually came in to ask me if everything is good at work. Of course, I said everything is good.

Didnt managed to sleep yesterday night until ard 6am today then I managed to doze off after crying. I think I felt better after crying cos too many feeling bottled inside. Sometimes it is good to release my emotions.

So today at work I finally managed to get over yesterday, went around to bug shifu about rotten fruits and invisible chairs.. Oh, and I must thanks shilin cos despite of yesterday that $30 matter, she still pass me her acc and password to collect $$. So in a way, I wont feel so sad over that matter.

2010-05-22T23:51:00.002+08:00

One of my sis's students was involved in a bad car accident in which he was disfigured and had a long operation to save him. Sis was telling me about it and although this boy always gives her troubles, she was secretly tearing a little. It was then I realised that no matter how bad or naughty a student is, to the teachers, he/she will always be just a kid. Despite of all the given troubles, the teachers will still feel sad if anything bad happens. I always thought that teachers like to "suan" us by saying kids are just kids. But now, I realised how true this sentence is, kids are still just kids.
------------------------------------------
Hmm... Mom was telling me to let my new temp colleague to extend on next mon instead because she felt that the latter really needs the job more than me. All I can say is that tt new temp colleague is a weird lady, I think she has a lower EQ? She does not know when and where to do certain stuff, so some of us tend to find her more of a trouble than help. In a way, I can understand why my mom asked me to let her extend instead.

Since young, my mom had been teaching me to give in to others certain things which are not so important to us but of a higher value to others. So whenever I am having meals with my friends, as long they request to trade with me certain dish or want to eat my dishes, I rarely reject them unless I am sick. Haha.

But I was thinking if this time the give in is rather inappropriate? Other colleagues were telling me that she is not the material for the job in my workplace. Hmm... I guess I have to wait till next mon to know and decide what to do.

2010-05-17T21:59:00.003+08:00

Finally, I went to see a doc regarding the red spots on my arms, chest and back. They are not heat rashes or allergy. They are caused by bacteria infections? So so cool. Anyway, red spots is just one of the symptoms of the bacteria infections. I had forgotten to ask the doc about the name of the bacteria!!!! Sh*t man.. :( Now, comes the bad news, I have to eat 8 pills everyday. 1 for morning, 3 after lunch, 3 after dinner and 1 for night. The medicines are very bitter!!!! Urgh, I am so dead as I need to complete the course of a particular pill known as Xepasone. 30 of them to be completed in around 5 days. Omg...
-----------------------------------------
Today I had my lunch with shifu and there was this particular case which really captured my attention. The woman who works for the drinks stall came to us and asked us if we would like to have any drink. I rejected politely as I had this bad sore throat. Shifu asked for a cup of ice lemon tea and after the woman turned and prepared to walk away, shifu suddenly called her to get a cup of warm water too. I looked at shifu and called her weird girl as who will have a cup of ice lemon tea with a cup of warm water? She looked at me and said, "帮你叫的, 喉咙痛了，吃饭哪里还可以不喝温水?" I rebutted her by saying that we have to pay for warm tap water which is like not worth it. Haha. Although I rebutted her, but there is this 温馨的感觉. In terms of height, I sure lose to her. In terms of productivity, I also can't win her. And in terms of caring, she really is much more caring than me. Haha. She is really a very nice shifu. Working with her is really a very happy thing.
-----------------------------------------
Next mon should be my last day of working? Haha. If given a chance, I think I will choose to extend. Even though the work is stressful and tiring, system is lousy and procedures are complicated, I still think that my colleagues will be the main factor for me to stay.

2010-05-16T20:55:00.003+08:00

Singapore is really a very small red dot. One of my friends is my friend's friend's friend and it so happened that her husband is my another friend's friend at USS? Haha. Singapore is just too small so we tend to have a wide connection web with people around us.

Anyway, I am very scare of something to happen. Because I know the outcome I want it to be, will not come true. I am just having hopes of something which is impossible. Haiz~ Impossible is not nothing, it is something.

2010-05-13T23:33:00.002+08:00

today is jus another bad day.. wad could be right?? nvr-ending customers.. a load of admin.. delayed dinner for 2 hrs resulting in gastric pain.. over wrote e manual receipt.. haiz.. i made mistakes again!!

i told cannon san tt e reason y i am staying is cos of him, shifu, sl n sum other colleagues.. so true.. if nt, most prob i will leave tis stressful n rather under-paid job too.. cos i tend to make mistakes n rather bad mistakes.. haha.. anyway, $$ is nt e main factor, at least im happily working wif my colleagues here..

e gd ting is tmr i will be gg to have a sushi lunch wif momo!! wahahahaha..

2010-05-07T22:50:00.007+08:00

Counter duties was very bad today especially at night, the in-flow of customers was never-ending. Most of the customers who I attended to, were demanding and some unreasonable. I think they believed that the fiercer they are, then it seems like they will be the right one and I have to give in to them. Their children were like demons to me, kept pressing the bell even though I asked them not to. In the end, I just took the bell and placed it under the table. I could feel the pain at my throat and my headache increasing each time I tried to serve a customer.

Happened to saw this sentence on raindance aka ah ma's facebook status, "累了，泪了". I agree with her, sometimes when you are too tired, your tears tend to flow easier. Jia you ah ma!! We will struggle together to keep ourselves afloat...
-----------------------------------------------------
Ytd was the farewell party for me and momo. Even though the day before I was half dead due to my sore throat and slight fever, momo and I decided to go out to buy and pack some "goodies" for our colleagues.

I was supposed to leave on the 24th, it is still a long way but I can feel a bit of 不舍得 already. Colleagues there are all very nice. Almost 2 months of working there is short and sweet. But even 不舍, also must leave. So well, leave nothing but footprints, bring nothing but memories. Took some pictures together with some colleagues but I am too lazy to upload. >.<

2010-05-01T23:14:00.004+08:00

Finally im back home from a full day of activities. *yawns* I think i kind of overworked these few days. Let me begin from my schedule tis wk. Monday - morning shift, tuesday - went to tournament wif juniors at tampines, wednesday - morning shift, thursday - night shift, fri - night shift till 11.30pm, sat (today) - took care of nephew n went out wif colleagues, sun (tmr) - morning shift. Haha. Tis wk seems kind of very packed n tiring but at least it's enjoyable so far.

Anyway, i think today is the most tiring day especially ytd nite i worked till 11.30pm. Then today woke up ard 7am to go eunos to take care of little nephew. After tt 3pm met colleagues at marina square for arcade n pool. Most probably i will be KO by 12.30am or so tonite. Haha.

But today is my first time to go out wif working colleagues n have a very great time wif them. Actually mom asked me nt to go as im having a sorethroat, but i managed to persuade her by saying tt this might be e 1st n last outing wif colleagues cos im leaving soon n blah blah blah. And of course gave her my famous innocent face. In e end, she gave in to me! Wahahahaha. E power of acting innocent n emo.

My beloved tall tall mentor who is already so tall tall n went to wear tall tall high heels today n became super tall tall tall tall... Oh wow, standing beside her, i seem to be like a little mei mei cos she is taller than me by a head. I think we mus speak slightly louder to each other to ensure tt the sound wave can travel a longer wavelength.

Other ppl present today were ken and cla. Initially momo will be joining too but she oso has a sorethroat so she can't join us. So sad. If nt momo n me sure go zi-high there like mad de. (Momo noe my lame jokes very well.) Anyway, we went to arcade and played some games such as daytona, n tt vibrating cubicle which i cant rmb its name. Spent more than $20 on e latter cos it was jus too fun! And as usual, ken was as comical as usual. I tink i will be like him sometimes, wif funny expressions tt we dunno we have. Then went high tea at secret recipe and continued pool after tt. I seriously tink i have no affinity wif pool. Haha. My aiming n strength was bad! It's true tt practice makes perfect, e last time I touched pool was 2 yrs plus ago. Haha. Mayb i shld jus continue wif badminton.

Anyway, some random thoughts of the day. I was jus thinking of work n colleagues. Haha. So random right? I tink i actually found a comfortable comfort zone at work cos of e nice colleagues there. For a moment, I actually hope tt this can be my perm job. But it's impossible lah. I mus go to uni and continue my path to my dream - virologist. Haha. So can only say say for fun only. =)

After leaving tis job, I will definitely miss each and single one of them.

2010-04-29T22:48:00.002+08:00

I think i am too heaty recently, a ulcer is bad enough not to mention a sore throat and nose bleed on way home from work. I seriously think e aunty n uncle who shared e same lift wif me thought tt i was beaten up or something?

It was at first meant to be a joke... but e 2 words reply came as a surprise. Until now, these 2 words are still ringing in my head. Lesson learnt: sometimes dun joke too much.

2010-04-27T20:13:00.002+08:00

im so so so proud of YJ Badminton girls today!! they won against nj 3:2!! omg.. to be honest, at first i tot we might nt win as e players there were all DSA into such gd college.. we lost e first 2 games.. but we managed to win the last 3.. i really mus say tt all of them had tried to put in their best including the opponents.. all e efforts was seen clearly by others.. although sum players were too nervous n tense up, they still manage to finish the whole game.. so i mus clap for all of them..

2nd gd news, i received letter from NUS tt im accepted into Faculty of Science (FoS)!! i tot they wont wan me as my results was so nt gd.. but now i can smile whole nite, tinking of how im getting into nus n start my life anew!! but it's kind of stress as i might be e last few percentile in the cohort of FoS.. i guess i mus really work hard n try to get a honors!! =)

anyway, i saw my mommy tay today.. wa.. she looked so haggard.. seems like she over-worked or sth.. poor mommy tay.. haiz.. mus take care of urself man..

tmr, im gg to work morning shift.. haha.. hopefully i can wake up in time.. today is so so tiring!! but im happy!! =)

2010-04-24T23:03:00.002+08:00

today i was in a very bad mood.. cos of certain issues.. so i went out of house ard 8.30am n walked aimlessly ard until 11am then went amk central to look for momo.. but momo was working so we didnt tok much.. on way home, went passed workplace so shun bian went in to visit sl since she was alone at counter for duty.. in e end, i decided to go eunos to look for my sis n little nephew.. poor nephew, he is running a fever and he feels so warm, jus like a heater..

anyway, i mus apologise to my mentor who i vent anger on today.. i sort of said her for calling me ms lim.. cos wl had been calling me ms lim e whole day.. n her "ms lim" is very hostile type de.. so i was rather piss by all e "ms lim" today.. tmr mus go apologise to her.. too tired to msg her now..

to wl: i noe u will read tis post.. all i wanna to say is tt u're jus too sensitive, xiangling n i didnt speak bad abt u.. we were jus discussing abt sum techniques for badminton match.. pls dun put xiangling in a diff position.. i really dunno wad e matter is.. all i said was nt abt u..

2010-04-23T05:25:00.002+08:00

Im starting to accept Jiawen's death. I wont feel so emo at times n start to joke wif others. I guess this is a gd ting. Most imptly, i wont wake up in the middle of e nite, recalling her cremation. I tink my dream was something abt her cremation. Tt's why..

Anyway, I finally got to play badminton wif the gals, jeffrey and jitao. Next tue gg to watch them play at 'A' division. Haha. Kind of envy them just by hearing stories of their hectic JC life. I miss mine! Although my new job is more enjoyable than the old one, I still miss myself running ard in JC.

Speaking of my job, I just had a nightmare that I am at counter alone n the line of customers is never-ending. wa.. It's better to wake up early than to continue the dream. Even though I slept for ard 4 hrs, but I felt so tired after the dream.

Oh ya, recently there is a new colleague. She is weird! She likes to say weird tings to me n momo. Something like wad no1 wans n love her cos she is old n her PR skills no gd? Or said that momo is nt laughing from her heart blah blah blah. We tink tt she tinks tt momo is against her, so scary lah! Then when other colleagues were at meeting ytd, she kept hitting my chair to force me to reply her when I was typing some comcare stuff. Tt was still okie, wad i dun really like was when I didnt reply, she will tok near my ear. Wa, jiu ming arh!! My hairs was all standing. But on a serious tone, I am rather neutral wif her as in I wont really wan to murder her or dislike her to e extreme.

Next fri is supposedly my last day of work but sl told me tt i might stay cos they need ppl to help shifu wif comcare. Haha! Actually I also didnt do much to help her? I only like to disturb her alot at work. But kind of weird tt if I am staying n momo is leaving, it's jus like im the youngest there. Although im on rather gd terms wif shifu n others, it's still slightly weird wifout momo.

I am gg to work in 3 hrs time!

2010-04-16T23:20:00.007+08:00

It's kind of saddening to mention Jiawen's death here, especially just after a happy post on my new working environment.

Anyway, Jiawen passed away this morning, ard 12.30am. Just within a few minutes n I would be beside her bed but I guess she decided nt to wait for us. When I reached, her corpse was actually moved to the mortuary. I didnt have the courage to enter n verify her corpse. So the last time i would ever see her was actually jus b4 she was placed in the coffin.

Her dad decided tt there will be no wake n continued with cremation at Mandai around 10am. The sight of her lying there motionlessly was really a big challenge for me to remain calm. I couldnt bear the thought tt she will be gone with Huiming to another world. In the end, I cried until very badly. I think my eyes were slightly swollen even when I went to work.

Recalling the past memories of Jiawen with me, they seemed so near yet so far. Some how every time I think of her, tears will start to block my sight. I wanted to cry but I don't dare to do it infront of my colleagues. I mus manage to squeeze a smile infront of others especially customers.

Trust me, the most painful moment was to witness her coffin being pushed into the fire. Because deep in my heart I knew that once it was pushed in, she will never be back away. Seeing her motionlessly was already unbearable, not to mention to know she will be cremated.

Last time when Huiming passed away when I was in J1, I took almost 3 to 4 months to recover from the pain. This period of time taken did not even heal my heart fully for I can still feel the pain when I think of Huiming. Now, I wonder how long do I have to take to at least recover and back to my old self.

Jiawen, I will miss u.
To be honest, I rather everyday rush from work to home, home to hospital, hospital back home n to work again. I rather do tis everyday so I can still see u. But i know it is selfish of me as by doing this everyday, u will still be suffering everyday. Time to let go.

How I wish I can work everyday from 8.30am to 3.30am or so. Yes, 5 hrs of rest only. So I wont have any free time at home to think of this issue over n over again. I need time to get over this too. I need time seriously n I need work to numb myself for time being.

今晚的夜比起以前更加的暗。
因为另一颗星星也跟随着家雯走了。
希望另一边的她会开心多了。
家雯，恭喜你，你解脱了！
心里虽然很舍不得你，但我知道该放你走了。

2010-04-12T23:03:00.001+08:00

After a week in new working environment, I'm starting to like the people there. Haha. Overall, they are all nice and friendly to me.

My first impression of my mentor was scary. First day of work and she was bombing me with a lot of info on comcare (community care not computer care). I must admit that I kind of take my hats off her seeing the amount of her workload and her blood-shot eyes. But now that we interact more and will tend to joke more, I think I will treat her more like my elder sis. Trying to lessen her workload now (but not very successfully).

Other colleagues are very nice too! My "fake eldest sis" (cos they have the same name), motherly people like sl, susan. Aiya, kenneth "kor kor" and the guy who likes to call me 林姑娘. I seriously thought that the latter had some misunderstandings with me, from his black face to me since my first day. But well, things get better as days got by.

I am wondering if I should extend the job period if given the chance. Because comparing the working environment here is so so so so much better than my previous. Hmm. Actually I also can't help much cos the jobs are rather confusing in a way. And i hate counter duties and calling of customers. So kind of feel bad when I always grumble when they asked me to do these, even though in the end, I will still do them.

I guess we shall see how by around 3rd week? It's too early to say things now.

2010-03-08T00:30:00.002+08:00

hmm.. was looking thru a small little exercise book from my pri sch (KBPS).. at e title section, it wrote "Let's Chat!".. it was a book cum sth like a journal in which i had to write to my p3 form tcher (mrs chia).. so we were supposed to communicate thru tis little book, exchanging info abt each other.. happy to say, tis book is still in my drawer..

i have no idea y i treasure it alot.. mayb it is e first journal book tt i own.. n until now, im still in touch wif mrs chia.. haha.. sumhow i felt tt e journal book actually bond me n mrs chia to be frenz.. tis yr is our 11th yr anniversary of friendship..

to be honest, in my pri sch years, i really like e idea of "Let's Chat!" book.. because form tchers and students can get to know wad each other is tinking.. tchers can oso guide e students to tink maturely.. in class, the form tcher is always busy wif ard 30+ to 40 students, so it's so much harder to communicate wif all e individuals.. so "Let's Chat!" book actually solves e problem.. but i can understand sum tchers might nt like it as they are busy enough wif all e teaching and admin work..

sad to say, in sec n JC, there is no more tis kind of books gg round.. haha.. tt's y i dun really contact my sec sch tchers tt often.. haha..

sumtimes i really hope to find back tis kind of books.. be it wif frenz or tchers or any1?? jus find tt tis kind of book is definitely more meaningful than those short short SMS.. SMS which is replacing letters very fast has starting to lose its value to me.. to me, SMS is jus a way of fast communication and sumtimes u cant even feel e tone n feelings of e sender.. letters at least u can feel these.. sumore u can keep e letters n books forever but nt SMS.. one day e SMS will be gone.. no matter how hard u try to keep it in ur inbox or fav folder or wadeva..

haha.. i mus be very traditional.. i like e traditional way of communication which is penning down.. i tink i prefer to write letters to one another.. but it's kind of killing more trees? haha.. dunno lah.. as technology advances, some tings might nt seem to become better.. perhaps staying in ice age may nt be a bad choice..

2010-03-06T00:36:00.002+08:00

A levels results is finally out.. im quite happy wif wad i got for Bio and Econs n slightly for GP.. but wad really disappoint me was chem.. ms ong asked mdm tay if i spent too much time on bio tt i neglected chem.. but well, chem p3 was really screwed due to my slight fever.. haha.. kind of finding excuses for me to feel better.. but i really tink i could have put in more effort.. jus more effort n i wont disappoint ms ong.. cos ms ong always tell me tt her target for me is always A and my target for myself which is a B is actually restricting my performance.. haha.. in e end i got worse than B.. so kind of sad though..

2nd disappointment.. maths i didnt get A.. mr fazli, mr sean tan (J1 tchers) and mr sim (J2 tcher) said i could get an A for maths as long as im focus and well-prepared.. but haiz.. p1 already killed me wif those weird qs.. p2 my statistic is shit.. haha.. only can blame myself for nt being well-prepared enough..

but well, i need to thanks god for letting me to get A for both bio n econs.. cos my target for bio has always been A.. i love bio.. n i wan to further my studies in bio area.. n econs was an unexpected surprise.. cos i tot e highest i could go is B n purely B.. in class, i always jus managed to pass econs wif a few marks more or jus flunk.. so thanks god, for giving me happiness even though im slightly disappointed..

GP was kind of expected.. cos i jus hit my target, C.. so oso mus thanks god for tis.. haha.. next wk mus find a day to go down bugis e kwan yin temple n thanks all e gods and goddess there for granting my wish.. :)

anyway, im hoping to get into NUS biochem or biomedical area.. was tinking of virologist as my ambition.. but my mom said will have danger in life n blah blah blah.. but i dun really care.. haha.. interested to find cure in viruses.. :)

2010-02-20T23:02:00.002+08:00

i happened to see a pic today.. it made me reflect alot on these 2 yrs in yjc and days after A levels..
------------------------------------------
once sum1 told me tt we can be friends.. in fact 10 yrs down e road we will be even better, still in contact.. each yr meeting up at least once.. when she first told me, i was tinking tt it was impossible.. because of our diff status in education and because of the nightmare in mf.. but days after A levels, we managed to communicate wif each other more.. to be there for each other.. making felt gingerbread man and toys.. in fact i tink we are friends now.. so nth is impossible.. all i have to do is nt to restrict myself to a small space because of my thoughts, fear and previous bad experiences..
------------------------------------------
a very happy and proud ting to say.. even though 2 yrs of diff class/sch of jc life wif momo n addie, our friendship is able to remain.. thinking back of all e pri sch gd frenz who jus disappeared from my life after pri sch, sounds kind of sad.. to maintain a friendship really needs 2 parties to contribute..
------------------------------------------
anyway, need to go slp le.. it's midnite..

2010-01-13T20:14:00.002+08:00

it had been a long time since i blog e last time.. had been too busy wif work, sms-ing, msn-ing, psp-ing and facebook-ing.. haiz.. so busy tt i nearly forgot e fact tt i have a blog.. okie.. kind of lame..

anyway, today is open house.. as usual im so high till i went back wif james to play wif e juniors.. wow.. my skills are kind of worse.. alot of shuttles i missed.. mayb because e last time i touch my racket was b4 grad day.. which is like ard oct 09?? or mayb i finding excuses for myself.. haiz.. jus let me be..

even though i got to play wif my beloved juniors, but my mood is still nt very gd.. haiz.. mayb cos of e cake tingy.. so abit emo.. n overheard sum stuff which make me emo too.. dunno lah.. jus tink tt sumtimes im such a failure.. trying to improve myself from e bad points.. but how long more can i improve?? no idea..

dunno y at hall jus now i suddenly miss jc life alot.. those rushing for lec n tut.. every1 ran and urged others faster.. kanna scolded by ms ong for nt memorising my chem facts.. kanna stared by mr syn for toking to tung n louis at econs.. "simple plus simple equals very simple" and "if u see stars now, later in exam hall u will see e whole galaxy" by mr sim.. boring yet interesting (contradiciton) gp lessons from mr ganesh.. n "lim xin yi" from mdm tay..

months before grad day, tung, louis, faiz n me had been counting down n hoping tt grad day will come soon.. so tt we dun need to escape from e evil clutches of the fat ass.. but well, now tt we really escaped from him, we kind of miss those days.. cos they were part of e fond memories where we packed like mad after all e ASP n ran as fast as we could to bus stop or mrt.. or even from lec hall to tut class to book places n stop tt fat ass from sitting near.. haha.. i wont deny i really kind of miss those days..

nt to mention times wif jie (addie) at e morning assembly, secretly chatting n fanning each other.. n well, getting caught by mdm tay or ms lim..

oso, times wif sengyie n peiwen.. haha.. sengyie n me always like to tease peiwen abt her aunti-ness.. joking abt pw only noe abt e offers at market n supermarket.. making fun of her is mean of us.. but we enjoyed to see her reactions n how she cant stand us in e end and simply reply wif a "urghhhhh!"..

times spent mugging for exams wif momo (mommy) n jie.. joking n laughing as hard as we studied.. questioning each other, n taking photo.. most imptly, supporting each other from e stress and alot of other problems..

times spent wif e badminton team.. before e j1s were in, i was e only gal left bonding wif e j2 guys.. they treated me as half guy, i treated them as half gal.. well, in e end, we were all transexual.. then when e juniors came in, i finally managed to fight n start a gal team.. to ask for e rights to go out for tournament.. to ask for more attention.. all e pt trainings at J block level 2, all e debriefing at first few sessions.. all e tournaments and matches we went thru.. including enduring for coach's training.. mayb because of all these, i was rather strict wif them n myself.. haha.. only to noe wks before tournament tt i have heart prob and have to restrict myself from trainings n tournaments.. haha.. but i didnt care and carried on wif e A divisions.. getting disapproval of my actions sumtimes was a regret.. i was too stubborn, i understand n i noe..

times spent consulting tutors were oso memorable.. haha.. i mus be mad.. im really missing e hectic life in jc now.. im reallying hoping to go back but nt as a retain.. cos i wan to go uni wif my A levels results.. if only certain frenships can be carried on after jc, how gd will it be??

haiz.. emo-ing again.. work sucks..

2009-12-20T22:56:00.003+08:00

im so so tired by work recently.. im jus like a cheap labour.. pay so low, work so much.. i really feel like scolding all e bad bad words here.. but well.. control.. if only i can speak to the work union, i will ask them for help to increase my pay man..

anyway, boss recently oversea.. n threw tons of work to me b4 she is gone.. as if im machine?? so busy till i dun have a proper lunch.. or shld i say she make it seems like everyting is her last words.. i noe im mean.. but wad does she expect from me wif tt low pay?? e only ting tt is gd is tt workplace is very very near my house, 5min walk..

I AM SO GOING TO QUIT AT THE START OF MARCH 2010.. WORK FINISH 3 MONTHS AND IM GONE!!!

haha.. but i did sth bad while work.. i msn wif mdm tay.. haha.. dun care if tt boss noe anot.. well.. im finished all e work given by e end of e day.. hahaha..
---------------------------------------
anyway, im starting to miss to go out wif frenz.. like momo n addie.. haha.. but too busy then quite hard to ask them out too.. dinner oso quite hard cos momo off time like quite late.. haha.. pray hard can meet them soon.. =)

speaking of tis, fri was a bad n busy day man.. i was so pissed at work.. mdm tay made e 1st step to come to amk n have dinner wif me.. actually she was in a bad mood too.. so well.. jus had a quick dinner wif her after work.. then went home to watch my "burning flame 3"..

haiz.. work sucks.. work sucks..

2009-12-15T21:39:00.001+08:00

well, e best ting tt can happen to me today is tt mommy tay is back to singapore.. n im gg to meet her up real real soon!! haha..

e bad tings are my work is killing me.. i can hardly breathe..

2009-12-10T08:55:00.001+08:00

i dreamt of sum1 and sumting jus now.. but i cant rmb who n what..

i only noe there was this calm n peaceful feeling in me..

2009-12-06T00:59:00.002+08:00

A levels is finally over.. until now then i have e time to blog.. haha..

3rd dec, straight after paper, went to long john silver for breakfast.. then go 313@somerset to shop n go cathay cin for lunch wif peiwen, yongshan, lizah, nantheni, lizah n yanling.. finally go home to rest..

4th dec, went out wif both my sis to KK hosp for eldest sis checkup.. e baby in her womb is only 3.5cm!! so small.. e 3.5cm life.. im hoping for its arrival next june!! n my nephew is super adorable.. he is so so so so so adorable!! went to meet momo n addie for dinner at lucky plaza ard 7pm..

5th dec, met shaunice to pass her sum notes at khatib mac.. then went to send addie off wif momo n yongjian..

so busy.. now finally start to slack le.. haha.. prepare to stone!!

2009-12-02T21:41:00.002+08:00

i jus realised my evil eye was missing since last mon!!

last mon during chem paper1, i noe my evil eye dropped under e table.. but under exam conditions, i dare nt to bend down to pick up.. oso chem paper1 was a rush.. no time to even drink a small mouth of water nt to say pick up evil eye.. in my mind, i told myself to pick it up after paper.. but i FORGET!!

how can i froget??!?!?!? im so piss with myself..

tmr mus go general office to try my luck.. if nt go to K6, my chem p1 seat to check.. which i tink e chances of finding it is rather slim.. haiz..

my evil eye, i lost u.. =(

anyway, tmr is bio p1.. last paper of A levels.. finally, A's is ending..

2009-12-01T23:22:00.002+08:00

wa.. im so so tired.. woke up at 5am to send mdm tay off at airport.. reach airport ard 7am?? 1st time in my life to be so early at airport to send sum1 off.. anyway, kind of miss mdm tay already.. cos she had been waving bye bye at us for numerous times n kept asking us to do well in bio p1.. haha.. quite sad tt during bio p1, she will be away from us.. at least other papers she was at ajc, so still nt tt far.. tink she will reach US in abt 1am in singapore, 4pm in US..

anyway, i was tinking n recalling jc life jus now.. i realised there is no much regrets for me.. haha.. mayb cos i dun expect anyting or hope for anyting, so no disappointment n regrets ba.. i dunno.. but life in jc other than in my ctg, is rather neutral compared to sec life.. haha.. mayb it's a gd ting too..

haha.. now im glad to say tt after thur, im officially ex-YJCian.. haha.. jus kind of sad to tink of leaving from e "control" of ms ong n mdm tay.. but i quite like other tchers too.. like mr sim p.n, mdm phoon, ms ku, mr sean tan etc etc.. haha..

but of course there are frenz tt i will miss in jc.. especially those nt from my ctg but very close to me.. like addie?? haha.. old fren.. liting, huiyu, shirley, tzu chin they all.. all nice ppl..

time to let go of jc n move on.. life continues.. i noe..

2009-11-28T22:13:00.001+08:00

mayb it will be gd to let go..

wad is my true meaning of happiness??

2009-11-24T23:12:00.002+08:00

im jus left wif 1 paper!!

anyway, i tink of all e sub, chem was e worst?? haha.. cos p3 die, p2 die, p1 oso die..

bio p1 dunno yet.. but bio p2 oso die.. p3 was okie..

maths p1 n p2 all die.. haha.. so sad rite..

econs was considered rather okie..

jus let's pray hard tt i can pass all n go my dream course..

anyway, jus now while watching tv wif mom, dunno y i suddenly tink of addie's house there de handroll.. n how addie eat like hamster.. haha.. then i jus look at e tv screen n burst out laughing.. mom gave me a weird look.. oops.. n i wanna watch movie wif momo n addie.. movie is impt.. but food is e most impt.. i wanna eat food wif them!!

oh boy, im hungry again.. mus go search for food.. im eating so much.. >.<

2009-11-22T18:51:00.002+08:00

after tmr 2 papers, i will have more freedom!!

tmr, pls pass fast..

i seriously need e freedom..

2009-11-17T16:21:00.003+08:00

past few days/wks i had been dreaming abt pri sch.. days in pri sch n etc.. in my dream, mdm jiang, a very fierce tcher in my pri1-3 life was telling me tt she was super strict wif me cos she wan me to be more than wad i can become.. because she had high expectations of me.. after these dreams, i suddenly miss ppl from pri sch.. then i msg my pri sch fren to visit mdm jiang after A levels.. only to noe tt she had passed away recently too.. i didnt noe cos i 4got to check my email..

lessons learnt: i always tot i have enough time to do tis n tt.. i always tot certain tings can wait.. but i was wrong.. sorry mdm jiang.. sorry tt i didnt contact u all these yrs cos i tot it can wait.. but i 4got every yr, im older 1 yr old, u're older 1 yr old too.. im sincerely thankful for ur guidance all these while.. n when i was in sec sch, i already knew tt u was strict so tt i had a strong foundation for chinese.. im sad tt there is 1 less gd person on e earth..

btw mdm jiang was 60+ when she retired when i was p3.. she oso had taught both my elder sis in pri sch too.. three of us were from kebun baru pri sch (kbps).. kbps had already become history.. but e memories there will always be with me..

起立，行礼
谢谢江老师

~portion of kbps sch song~
time waits for no man
achieve what we can
we need to think and act fast
the present soon become the past
so do not delay
there is but one today

kbps, kbps

we must achieve more
now or never
now or never
we'll do our best for a better singapore

i can still rmb e sch song of kbps.. dunno y.. amkps, mfss all i cant rmb.. can only rmb kbps.. mayb cos it's easier to rmb ba.. e red highlighted is my favourite phrases cos very meaningful..

2009-11-14T20:28:00.005+08:00

不知为什么，突然很想念小学的日子，尤其小学的好朋友...

升上中学后，我开始和小学好友们疏远了。我一直把对他们的思念藏在心里，毕竟我不知对方是否也会想起过去的欢乐。我想，我肯定，自己最想念的好友应该是 esther 吧。很想念以前拉她去陪我和 eddie 他们一起玩，我还记得，我们每次玩的游戏是 blind mice。

小四年尾，老师给了我们一张纸，选要去EM1还是EM2。其实父母帮我选EM2，可是我偷偷换去EM1。>.< 老师还打电话劝父母让我去EM2，但我还是坚持‘我要EM1’。幸好当时的我坚持要去EM1，要不然也不会认识 esther。

小五，我认识了 esther，我跟她中间隔着一条路。其实我坐在 eddie 的旁边，而我们每次都吵架，所以我都会转过去 esther 那里。想想，或许我应该感谢 eddie... 哈哈。我也不记得到底过后怎么跟 esther 那么要好，可能那时的我太可爱了吧？哈哈。

小六，我跟 esther 不同班了，因为学校认为我不适合EM1，所以我被调去EM2，而 esther 当然留在EM1。不同班的我们，友情一点也不变，休息时，我们会在一起说笑；我们还会写信给对方。我很珍惜那些信，因为里面都有记载我们的回忆。

有时不想放学回家的我们，会偷偷跑去家附近的六头巴刹，然后我们会在那里‘逛街’。那里的店来来去去都是一样的，但我们却是多么的快乐。虽然现在每天上学（义初）的我可以搭巴士去地铁站，路程5分钟，比起走路20分钟来的快，可是我还是很喜欢每天走去地铁站，经过六头巴刹，回味过去。

回到以前，记得有一次，esther 不舒服，可是她必须在学校吃了午餐才能回家。老妈其实煮了饭给我，可是我还是陪 esther 在学校吃饭，并且和她搭269一起回家，送她送到家楼下，我才放心地回家。从那天开始，每天放学我都陪她一起搭269回家，一起走到她家楼下，过后就再走多5分钟的路回家。

现在想起，我真的很想念 esther。但我不明白为什么每次面对着她，总是没有勇气说出‘我想你’这三个字？是因为太久没见面而感到尴尬，还是因为当你真的很想一个人的时候，这三个字特别难说？哈哈。也可能因为我以为她会明白我的心声吧。

有时我们以为他人会明白我们心里的想法，所以一直都把心里话放在心里，但其实有些话一旦不说出口，或许以后再也没有机会了。有些话很难说出口，但真的很难吗？

2009-11-13T14:12:00.002+08:00

e hardest wk is finally over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in a wk, we striked away 6 papers.. well.. of all e 6 papers, im only slightly slightly happy wif today maths p2.. even though my stats is nt tt gd.. but i managed to do sum qs..
and e most impt ting is sum1 upload e ans for maths paper 1 on the net!! omg.. i sort of noe how much i get already.. quite sad.. tink my A fly dunno where.. jus hope tt they will moderate till i get my A.. =(

jus 5 more papers to FREEDOM!!!!!

2009-11-08T22:33:00.001+08:00

'A' levels is e day after tomorrow!! omg!!
wad can i do now other than to face it bravely??
haiz..
all e best to me and my gd frenz..
jiayou ba..

2009-11-04T00:05:00.002+08:00

every now n then, whenever i see a tcher, they nvr fail to ask me a qs.. "so are u prepared for A levels??" im so gonna to faint.. haha.. my reply is always "nt really.." tink they are gg to faint too.. im still halfway through my h2 sub.. i didnt even touch on h1.. hahahahahaha.. gd luck to me man..

coffee shall accompany me through e battle for A levels..

2009-10-31T10:03:00.002+08:00

had been studying in mdm tay's blue room recently.. so dun need to go library to study wif so many ppl n feel e accumulation of tension.. i guess every1 is jus as nervous n as stress as me.. next next tue is my 1st paper.. so so scary.. n my 1st wk was e most killer wk..
tue - maths p1
wed - gp p1 n p2, BIO P2 *sweat*
thur - chem p3
fri - maths p2
tis is my 1st wk of exam.. 6 papers our of 11.. haiz..

but gd ting is i managed to get sengyie to study wif me.. although we sometimes will take a break n chat n laugh.. in e end we always get scolded by mdm tay, "very free to chat ah? study all finish is it? wan to do mock paper anot?" so fierce.. but well, tis is e kind of discipline im hoping to get.. if nt i guess i will chat thru my way..

oh ya.. there is sth i mus mention abt ytd.. cos it was raining cats n dogs in e evening.. n mdm tay, sengyie n me took cab to khatib mrt.. mdm tay was very nice to open door for us in e rain without umbrella.. but she couldnt see well n slammed e door while 1 of my leg was outside.. *ouch* n e cab uncle was laughing at us!! urgh.. so mean.. when i got home, i told my mom abt it.. i meant it as a joke.. then she said in a hostile way, "very funny meh??" haha.. i guess mom was reminded of e time when i was young when she accidently closed my dad's lorry door while my little fingers were still in there.. haha.. till now she can still rmb tis incident.. i can rmb too.. cos i managed to get a big tube of chocolate as "consolationg prize".. haha..

okie.. mus get back to study le.. haiz.. study study study..

2009-10-27T17:13:00.001+08:00

all of a sudden i jus feel like giving up.. i dun feel like studying anymore.. i jus have e urge to cry.. but i didnt cry.. haiz.. *discard all evil thoughts..*

back to study again..

2009-10-25T12:30:00.002+08:00

i coughed out solid phlegm wif blood.. doc said "it's a symptome of cystic fibrosis(CF) and bronchitis.." omg.. i wanna faint.. i had been studying CF in bio paper 3-gene therapy.. n i cant believe i can be so close to it.. then e doc continued, "but u're jus too heaty, needs to drink more water n rest more.. dun worry too much.." now then he told me e truth.. *calm down*

A levels is jus a few steps away.. Mr sim peng nam is very nice to send me a SMS in chinese to ask me work hard n all e best.. wow.. his chinese is very zai one.. i mus read twice to get his meaning.. =)

i hoping tt once A levels start, it will end fast.. so i can go for my 8mths holidays!!

xinyi is dying..

2009-10-17T20:30:00.003+08:00

i spent abt 2-3 hrs today under e hot sun to find evil eye.. finally i found it.. hahaha.. it was jus under my block.. only saw it on e way home.. but nvm.. gd tt i found it.. =) however mayb due to under hot sun too long, now running a fever.. if fever is e bad luck, i rather to find back evil eye than to lose evil eye n no fever.. haha.. after all evil eye is a rare gift..

got to go rest.. hope i recover from fever soon.. =)

2009-10-16T20:37:00.003+08:00

okie.. my evil eye had dropped on my way home.. =(

haiz haiz haiz.. im feeling so emo.. tmr i shall go find it back!! even though my fren said tt evil eye cant find back cos it dropped to ward off my bad luck.. then find back will get e bad luck back too.. but well, after all it's still a gift.. so quite impt to me too.. sumore i tink tt it dropped due to my carelessness.. so haiya, dun care whether bad luck will come back anot.. tmr mus go find it back!! i spent 1 hr plus finding it jus now but still cant find.. =(

pls let me find it back..
---------------------------------------------
anyway, recently i noe quite a number of stuffs.. i sort of noe wad are happening n y.. but when she asked me, i will jus say "dunno leh", "really??", "is it??".. haiz.. i feel like im lying n i dun like to lie to her.. but even if i let her noe, it oso wont do her any gd.. so take it as white lies??

i jus hope she wont be so emo like these few days.. >.<
--------------------------------------------
oh ya.. today AL asked me abt wad happened in mf.. haha.. i can only say tt it's a quite bad experience in which i dun wish to elaborate much.. but i tink mayb i can be frenz wif mdm tay after 'A' levels.. even if choy choy choy, my bio dun get A, i will still treat her as frenz.. but of course now we are still tcher-student.. =)
--------------------------------------------
next few wks will be revision time.. i mus work hard!!

2009-10-12T13:09:00.002+08:00

1st day of study leave.. im only touching on bio.. >.<

tmr mus go back sch.. print maths papers n if possibly chem papers too..

i need sum1 to discipline me in studying.. cos i tend to slack alot.. haiz..

wish me gd luck in studying.. hope i dun die b4 'A' levels..
-------------------------------------------
i have a weird feeling.. tt tings might be worse..

i hope im tinking too much..

2009-10-09T22:21:00.003+08:00

today is finally the graduation day.. kind of cant bear to leave my clique, sum frenz n mdm tay, ms ong..

i tink specially mdm tay n ms ong.. cos they were e only 2 tchers who followed me from PAE till now.. 1 yr and 10mths of feelings.. so really really cant tink of leaving them n survive independently.. they are jus too motherly.. =(

well, mus confirm mention mdm tay cos i always call her mommy tay and im closer to her than other tchers in yjc.. we always say we will be frenz after 'A' levels.. but sumtimes i really wonder if we really can be frenz? jus now after dinner, she sent me home in a cab.. throughout e journey, i tink we were rather quiet.. there was a kind of weird feeling which i cant describe.. mayb to me, it's e fear of leaving yjc from e zone of her care n concern? haha.. i dunno too.. jus weird.. but for now, it's gd to maintain a distinct tcher n student relationship.. *after e lesson learnt in mf*

overall, mdm tay is really a very very nice tcher.. in fact one of e nicest tcher whom i have met.. even though we have our disagreement sumtimes, we always managed to smooth tings out n continue to care for each other.. i guess she cares for all her students.. i was tinking abt times when i had my disagreements wif her on cab jus now.. i rmb 1 time when she was supposed to meet me 7.15am at yishun mrt but she woke up late.. tt day happened to be my bad mood day, so i sort of vent my frustrations on her n we quarrelled through sms.. haha.. mayb it wasn't a quarrel but to me, tt was e 1st time we sounded very hostile in sms, like wanna kill each other.. to tink of it now, i felt kind of bad n filled wif regret.. tt time shldnt have vent my frustrations on her.. sumore i was reluctant to be e 1st to take a step back, so she had to apologise to me for her bad temper.. hahaha.. seriously feel so bad now.. mayb she wont rmb tis issue, but seriously i was very sorry to her, jus tt at tt time, i dunno y 'sorry' seems to be a very hard word for me..

ms ong was one of e tchers who scold n scold me.. but she managed to wake me up from ignorance.. to work harder for chem.. to try my best to strive n score better.. gd ting is recently im passing all chem time trials.. but bad ting is i failed my bio p2 time trial.. back to ms ong, she nvr fail to make us laugh.. like calling nantheni as nutella, faiz as hafiz etc.. although sumtimes her lessons are very stress n can cause ppl to have minor mental broke down.. but we managed to pull ourselves up again n do better.. oso i tink i enjoy her lessons especially when she suan tt *ahem ahem*..

now tt im officially graduate, im wondering if i can survive till 'A' levels.. im quite worry for bio.. cos e time trial was really a disappointment.. for a moment when i saw e marks, i felt like crying.. i tink it's my worst bio results.. am i too over confident after prelim or is my knowledge still very superficial?? i have no idea.. i jus wish to score real well in bio.. haiz.. so pls pls help me pull through 'A' levels..

like wad louis mentioned, these 1yr 10mths had passed very fast.. it seems to give us a feeling of loss and feel quite empty.. cos memories in yjc actually wasn't tt great.. we had conflicts, disagreement and quarrels.. cos we always tot 2 yrs is such a long time, we can treasure everyting in time n wont have any regrets.. but i guess we were wrong, 2 yrs is a short period of time.. jus 3mths left to 2 yrs.. haiz..
------------------------------------------------
jus now i nearly involved in a car accident.. cos i will suddenly feel giddy.. it started at sembawang plaza.. dunno y.. jus felt very giddy.. anyway, i was trying to cross e road to get to my block, then i didnt notice a car turning towards my direction.. gd tt e driver saw me.. if nt, most prob today is graduation day, tmr my class can gather for my funeral.. >.<

so scary.. haiz.. okie.. mus go slp le.. tmr still have lessons at 8.30am.. =(

2009-10-03T10:09:00.002+08:00

suddenly i jus feel so emo tt i wanna go out n walk to sch.. from yio chu kang to yishun.. i have no idea why.. i jus feel like doing so..

im really tired of what's happening ard..

stop repeating everyting over n over again..

2009-09-28T22:09:00.002+08:00

today is my chinese bday.. haha.. im 19 in chinese now.. sounds kind of old.. haha.. but well, at least i received red packet from parents early morning.. haha.. oso received the $100 from my eldest sis.. my 2nd elder sis promised to give me psp after my 'A' levels.. hahaha.. so gd of them..

oh ya, mus thanks peiwen n sengyie for wishing me early morning in china ascent.. haha.. they are very humorous.. haha.. oh ya.. n thanks shaunice for wishing me happy bday too.. she cant be e 1st to wish me but will be e last to wish me tis yr.. >.<

im tinking of getting my driving license after my 'A' levels.. finish BTT by december.. then next yr can start on practical lessons n exam.. haha.. dun feel like learning after graduating from uni, i tink i will be busy looking for jobs?? haha..

today there is another happy ting for me.. ms ong said im really improving on my chem.. asked me to work harder n get all facts right to get my A.. yeah.. im gg to work harder.. thanks ms ong.. although u wont be able to read tis, it is u who let me have confidence in chem again.. =) haha.. dunno y.. i always rmb sec 4 tt yr when my chem tcher nearly forced me to drop chem.. tt's why i hate chem from then on.. but now im rather fine wif chem.. =)

tmr there will be chem p3 time trial.. so tired to study.. tink tmr will jus flip through n revise.. >.<

2009-09-26T12:55:00.002+08:00

tis wk has been my busiest wk in J2.. mon was a public holiday so can rest at home but mus study for time trials.. tue was e worst day.. i had 4 time trials, gp p1, maths, econs case study, chem p1.. i was so so drained at e end of e day.. subsequent days were so so.. thur is e best, released at 1.10pm n had lunch wif momo mommy.. n i received mooncakes for bday present from eugene.. ytd i had time trials for chem p1, bio p2.. tis wk is so drilling..

next wk is even worse.. everyday i have at least 2 papers to do.. mon is gp p2, maths, econ case study.. im so scare of mon to come.. so tired.. haiz..

e gd ting is 9th oct is graduation day.. i shld be rather happy tt im finally off for my study break.. but after study break is officially 'A' levels.. shld i still be happy?? since im nt very confidence in all my subjects..

mdm tay had been mentioning abt separation after grad day.. sounds so sad.. she said,"like v real that u all leaving" i thought of taking mc on grad day cos i hate separation.. then mdm tay said,"U dun wanna see me for the last time? Nicely dressed for u all?" nt dun wan see her.. is cant bear to leave her in yjc..

i was tinking who will i miss after i leave yjc.. haha.. definitely nt addie, cos i noe i will meet her often even graduate.. she is e only exception.. i tink most will be my beloved ct, mdm tay.. my funny maths tcher, mr sim.. e tcher who encourages me alot on chem, ms ong.. n of course other subject tutors.. for classmates, i tink peiwen n sengyie, sunshine they all?? n others i dun tink i will really miss them.. but i will miss sum other ppl like liting, mel, boonie n more.. they made my life in yjc more enjoyable..

haha.. jus tinking of random stuffs.. after grad day, im all on my own for revision.. only gg back to sch for consultation..

2009-09-19T12:26:00.003+08:00

昨天，无意间在一个布告栏上看到了一张纸。这并不惊奇，最惊奇的是纸上的内容。

没想到，在那天随口说了一句‘送给你’，她竟然会如此的珍惜它。

心里有一种说不出的喜悦，也有一种幸福的感觉。

近来，由于太忙了，太烦了，所以我无法珍惜很多人。

希望从这一刻开始珍惜，不算太晚...

-----------------------------------------------------
谢谢你对我的信任与鼓励。没有你在我身旁的支持，或许，我也不会走到这里。

认识你是一个美丽的意外。

2009-09-18T22:42:00.006+08:00

ytd only took 2 pic wif mdm tay.. tink as i get older, im starting to dislike to take photos.. haha.. weird..

so tired.. mus go rest soon..

we stood upright to see who is taller.. but she was wearing high heels.. quite unfair.. >.<

i was trying to escape wif e cake to prevent taking more photos..

2009-09-17T20:22:00.004+08:00

happy bday to me.. haha.. im 18.. so old already.. >.<

special thanks to

frenz:
momo n addie
yuanting
hexun
putri
peiwen n sengyie
nantheni
li ting
priya
woonching
junrong
esther yeo
sherry
lijia ah ma
sunshine (teo)
annette
kat
211 ppl for singing bday song
peiyen for e cake

juniors:
MF juniors
ACM juniors
sze min for msging me on e dot at 12am
gena, my daughter

last but nt least, mommy tay wp.. =)

thanks ppl for today..

edited 11.40pm

2009-09-16T19:39:00.001+08:00

today will be e last day of my 17 yrs old.. tmr onwards will be e start of my 18 yrs old life.. wif more responsibilities.. haha.. hope everyting will go well be.. =)

im still 17!! >.<

2009-09-14T18:53:00.002+08:00

recently, im jus too tired abt wad's happening ard me.. only sum of e close frenz noe.. haha.. dun feel too gd to post abt tis issue here..

anyway.. i feel tt im very lucky to have close frenz like momo n addie.. haha.. my pillars of support when im tired.. to hold on to me when i really feel like giving up everyting..

also nt to mention, im lucky to have mdm tay as my ct too.. u noe a gd tcher nt only is able to produce results.. but oso to change e students' life.. care abt her students.. well, i cant deny tt she is really caring..

sch life is as busy as usual.. econs prelim is terrible.. i got S.. mus work harder to pull e marks up..

2009-09-10T19:42:00.002+08:00

1st time in my life im involved in bus accident..

today morning, i took 851 from oppo yck mrt to my sch.. halfway, i tink e bus was trying to stop for e traffic light jus b4 e bus stop near sch.. but it didnt stop smoothly n crash into another bus infront.. tt was a loud bang.. next moment, most of e passengers on bus were flunked forward.. yeah.. i was one of them too.. i banged into e seat infront n injuried my right arm.. gd tt it is only slight injuries.. only sum bruises and abit pain.. if nt i wonder how am i gg to study.. but e window of 851 was cracked, lucky there was no driver or any1 else badly hurt..

after tis incident, i felt tt im lucky.. cos normally if i take bus, i will tend to stand.. but today i saw alot of empty seats n i was too tired.. so i sat down.. also normally ard e traffic light, i will stand up n prepare to alight.. but today i saw e traffic light turning red, so i decided to stand up later.. i wonder if i were to stand up, most probably i will flunk into e window.. n will be e only 1 badly hurt.. so im lucky after all to escape wif slight injuries..

i told my eldest sis abt it.. n she tried to make me happier by suggesting budget for my bday present.. she had a game which she wan me to follow thru.. she will write her budgets from $1 to $100 on small pieces of paper.. then she will crush them n let me choose.. wadeva i chose, will be my bday present budget.. i chose $100.. hahaha.. so she owe me $100.. i shall get a new earpiece.. n mayb yonex windbreaker.. =)

2009-09-08T18:18:00.002+08:00

im super pissed wif tis guy.. i had enough of him man.. he had been "shhhhh"ing alot of ppl.. we were jus whispering in lib OKIE?? u noe wad's is whisper?? u noe whisper is allowed in lib?? so stop showing off ur authority.. n let me tell u.. u have NO RIGHTS to search other ppl's stuff.. unless u have our permission.. stop demanding us like u're e boss here.. jus shut ur mouth n do wad u shld.. if u are too bored, jus go find sum food n squeeze everyting into ur mouth.. if tt's e only way to shut u out.. to be honest, u're e only 1 making alot of noise in e lib.. nt us.. cos throughout u had been raising ur volume like nobody's business.. u had made lib an uncomfortable environment to study.. u're wasting our time..

2009-09-07T12:08:00.002+08:00

im jus tired..

too tired to do anyting now..

jus wanna take a plane n escape from here..

mayb to a faraway island or sth..

at least i wont be here..

i need a break too..

2009-09-03T17:46:00.002+08:00

finally prelim is over.. finally..

today got back my chem.. ms ong said i had improved alot.. cos i managed to pass it.. kind of encouraging.. n i got back bio p1 too.. tmr getting back bio p2.. hope will do well for bio.. =)

hope my prelim wont fail tt bad overall..

P.S: i noe my maths results le.. didnt pass it.. but well, i will try harder.. =)

btw mus thanks momo n addie for studying chem wif me.. wifout them, i guess i will jus flunk chem again n again.. cos i have no much motivation for it initially..

2009-08-31T15:48:00.002+08:00

happpy teachers' day!!

AMKPS:
Mrs Sherry Chia

MF:
Mrs Elyn Tay
Mdm Florence Ng
Ms Sherrie Ng
Mdm Koh
Mr Lee Jy
Ms Mok
n other tchers who taught me..

YJC:
Mdm Tay WP
Ms Ong
Mr Syn
Mr Sim
Mr Ganesh
Mr Sean Tan
n other tchers who have helped me..

May you guys stay cheerful n happy always.. =)
-------------------------------------
mus thanks peiwen & sengyie for accompanying me in sch today.. n momo mommy for waiting for my sis at j8..

mus thanks my sis for e free treat at Nebo today.. Kbox tmr.. Suki Sushi tmr too.. =)
-------------------------------------
anyway i tink blog is kind of weird recently.. my junior blog abt sth n saved it in draft.. but it could be seen in public.. and she had sum problems wif e discipline committee today..

remind me of last time.. when i had deleted a paragraph but it was saved in e draft wifout me knowing.. n it could be seen by public.. these incidents had forced me n my junior to pay a price.. i guess i will be careful abt wad i blog next time.. to prevent unwanted conflicts and misunderstanding.. especially when time is limiting, how many more friendships can i lose??
-------------------------------------
anyway, im proud to announce tt chem p1 is over!! now only left bio p1.. n prelim is over!! over!! hahaha.. im feeling e slight happiness after prelim.. cos i guess after getting e results, i mus work even harder..

xinyi arh.. xinyi.. wake up n stop slacking.. no much time le..

2009-08-28T23:46:00.002+08:00

okie.. finally settled sum stuff.. finally have time to blog abt wad happened ytd.. ytd, halfway thru econ prelim, i had a sudden stomach pain.. jus 1 hr after e paper started.. 2 more hrs to go.. no choice bear wif it.. in e end, i wrote lots of crap for e paper cos i dunno wad im tinking too.. it turned out to be food poisoning.. =( so sad.. there goes my econ paper..

haiz.. mus say out to feel comfortable.. so i told peiwen, sengyie, momo n sis they all abt it.. sad ting is h1 econs only have 1 paper.. one 3hrs paper.. fail means fail.. haiz.. my sis even more funny.. she msg me asked me if i wan gd food.. i dun wan gd food.. i wan retake econs paper.. haiz..

but overall since prelim is gg to be over, it's a relieve for me.. haha.. yeah.. dun need to stay till late hours n look like a panda.. n dun need to be scare of my own avoidance syndrome..

let's pray hard tt my results will nt be too bad for prelim..

i tink i will most prob pass 1 sub-chem..
11.55pm

2009-08-28T18:28:00.001+08:00

today, bio p3 is finally over.. i didnt expect tt e essay will be on stem cells.. >.<>

next wk left wif bio n chem p1.. i finally can take a break..

in need of air to breathe properly..

2009-08-25T22:23:00.003+08:00

hmm.. i tink yjc maths paper is quite a killer.. kind of hard to me.. tink statistic is gg to pull down my overall grade.. pure maths was hard too.. but to me, pure maths is better than statistic.. i hate statistic.. but nvm.. im gg to master it soon.. overcome my fear for statistic!!

one ting i find it funny.. frenz had been calling me weird.. cos i score better in complex than vectors.. i prefer pure maths to statistic.. i score well in sequences n series than in functions.. haha.. remind me of sec4 when i score better in Amaths than in Emaths.. haha.. guess im a weirdo..

chem p3 didnt come out e topic i predicted.. so was rather disappointed.. but i tink i can predict sum qs in p2?? hope it will come out tmr.. haha..

did i tok abt bio p2?? if i didnt, well.. it was nt tt hard.. but e evolution qs i jus crap through.. haha.. dunno wad was e qs toking abt.. so anyhow crap sum reasons out.. tink will be mudered by mdm tay..

n well, recently im nt tt stress.. as compared to others.. surprisingly.. im slacking like dunno wad at home.. haha.. avoidance syndrome.. but at least i did sum quick revision.. so hope tings will go well for me.. =)

im waiting for next wed!! i have a date wif peiwen n sengyie to eat seoul garden straight after bio p1!! haha.. i wan to play BADMINTON too!! next wed, please come fast!

2009-08-21T14:12:00.002+08:00

my nephew is in my hand now.. haha.. today he is back to my house.. so happy!! he is so so adorable.. =)

dfdbvchns ---> tis is typed by him

haha.. momo asked me study today.. but will only be able to study abt 3hrs plus wif her.. so i rejected.. tis reminded me tt i havent photocopy e notes.. mus do so by tmr.. hmm..

maths p1, bio p2, gp both papers all quite hard.. no choice.. jus pray hard can pass ba.. haha.. if really fail, then try harder for 'A' levels.. but i realised im more nervous for promo than prelim.. so weird of me.. mayb had been through numerous exam.. so start to calm down le.. =)

anyway, recently dad's temper is kind of weird.. will tok to me in a very impatient voice.. was wondering if guys also have menopause or wad.. so weird of him.. but gd ting is my mom is still considered as considerate.. she didnt bother me much recently.. noe i do badly for maths p1, she will still say nvm lah, next time.. haha.. mayb sum incident changed both of their temper?? cos normally my mom is e fierce one, she is e discipline master.. n my dad is e ministry of $$.. but i guess tings will change..

let's hope subsequent papers will do better.. =)

2009-08-18T22:08:00.002+08:00

tmr is e start of prelim.. first paper is maths paper 1.. frenz ard me shld noe i didnt study much for maths.. jus take it as it comes?? haha.. dun wanna stress myself too much.. i had a fren who was so stress tt she cut herself.. i dun wan to be like her.. but of course i will push myself to my limit.. after tt limit, i will jus remain constant.. after all, im nt a hw/study machine too.. mus noe how to relax.. =)

im more nervous for bio paper 2 which is on thur.. hmm.. hope i will do well.. =)

jia you.. jus do my best tis time can le.. dun need to be affected by sum weird ppl or weird stuff..

2009-08-14T19:06:00.003+08:00

im so pissed..

sum ppl tok alot yet nth gd come out from their mouth.. nth useful at all..

wadeva..

e world is abt pushing blames to each other.. let jus face sth known as REALITY!!

2009-08-12T19:35:00.002+08:00

went back badminton today to see e gals.. most of them told me abt e new way of serving n their difficulties.. seems tt they had a hard time getting to use to e new way.. gd luck juniors.. anyway, played wif gena, shaunice n wanling.. wanna play doubles wif shaunice, gena n astra one but marcus was in e game too.. cant possible 3 against 2.. so too bad.. kind of miss e juniors.. mayb i had a hard time in studies, so sumtimes will tink abt sports then will link back to them.. hope they miss me too.. hahaha..

anyway, sumting made me realised e important tings in yj.. it was wad e guest of honor said during college day.. it's time for u to treasure ppl u meet in jc.. be it ur frenz, ur classmates, ur tchers, ur seniors or even ur juniors.. because of them, u're who u're now.. true.. i mus treasure them since life in yj is getting shorter n shorter..

anyway, heard my mf junior, jiemin who was knocked down by cab after ndp training, is getting better.. tis is a very gd news!! hope she get well soon.. =)

next wed will be start of prelim.. mus jia you.. load of you..

sat mus go study wif momo mommy n addie jie.. to prepare well for prelim!! i hope i can score well..

2009-08-08T20:07:00.003+08:00

ytd was college day.. i received my 'medal'.. quite cool..

anyway, i jus got to noe ytd tt one of e juniors was knocked down by cab after ndp training on tue nite.. now she is still in coma.. feel quite sad for her.. cos she is still 13yrs old.. so young.. haiz.. hope tt she will pull through tis time.. i will pray hard for her..

2009-08-05T19:03:00.002+08:00

finally back from sch.. im so tired.. trust me.. tis wk is very tiring.. haiz..

almost everyday has minimum a paper or a quiz.. haiz..

anyway, i jus rmb ytd is 4th aug.. 2nd yr of ACManiacs.. n im still e treasurer.. haven't pass down e post yet.. so funny.. but kind of miss those days.. only managed to keep in contact wif lijia ah ma and sumtimes tynn.. haha..

mus go study le.. prelim coming.. counting down.. 13 days..

19th aug is 1st paper.. so dead..

2009-08-02T21:04:00.002+08:00

actually im feeling quite bad recently.. haiz.. prelim is coming in 16 days.. n well, im still lost sumwhere in my tutorials n revision.. was actually planning to apply for scholarship wif prelim results.. but it jus seem so impossible..

anyway, problems are coming to me one by one.. studies, family, frenz, juniors n blah blah blah.. i really feel tt i couldnt catch my breath jus to handle all these stress.. im feeling so worse deep inside.. n trust me, im seriously trying to cope wif all e stress n prob.. trying to stay afloat sumwhere.. trying to stay alive.. but i dunno how long can i hang on too.. =(

like sum other frenz, i find myself to start to change.. im starting to lose confidence.. starting to be irritated by small stuffs.. starting to be hostile to ppl ard me.. starting to lose all e laughter.. starting to lose alot of tings.. starting to get upset over small stuffs.. n worse, im starting to hate myself for who im n for wad im doing.. kind of bad huh..

tink mayb im kind of stress or wad.. but those who are my frenz.. pls trust me if im rude or hostile to u.. i dun mean so.. i jus get worked up easily recently.. n im trying to solve tis problem of mine.. trying hard.. give me sumtime..

2009-07-28T18:25:00.002+08:00

to clarify sum doubts.. my previous post wasn't abt any1 in my class or cca.. in case ppl like huimin misunderstood.. then kind of bad..

anyway, fri i was indeed upset n disappointed cos everytime when back to cca, supposed to have pt.. but always last min cancel.. so i pushed back afew of e plans to go back, only to noe pt is cancelled.. tt's y.. i wasn't really upset or disappointed wif e vice-cap or sth.. n those words i said, i admit kind of harsh n seem to be my angry words.. but wad i really meant was tt i tink i shldn't go back often after i stepped down cos firstly, e new vice-cap mayb has her plan for e team, nt nice for me to change her plan.. 2nd, i oso cant comment much cos i stepped down as im no longer in e cca.. so it's better for me nt to comment too much since i dun really noe wad happened in there.. 3rd, i tink shaunice can do a much better job than me.. so well.. tt's wad i meant..

wad happened ytd was even more drama.. my external team.. we had tis leader who looked at our proposal n said crap.. we spent wks n nites doing it.. n wad we get was 'crap'?? tt attitude was kind of bad.. n she simply avoid all e qs posted by us.. so e whole team excluding her decided to blog abt her ytd.. i bet she havent read mine.. but if she happened to be here.. i jus wanna tell u sth..

tad, wadeva happened ytd was e past.. now e whole team had been reformat.. i had been transferred to other department too.. so i hope next time u will treasure e opportunities given.. u were chosen at first because we trust u.. mayb u did proved us wrong at times.. but well, no1 is born to be a leader.. n like i said, no1 ever said being a leader is easy.. u dun need to promise us anyting, u jus need to work hard wif us.. i hope next time i see u, u will be a leader again.. by then u wont let e juniors cry again.. n i wanna apologise to u for e harsh words ytd during meeting.. cos u mentioned abt huiming, sth negative abt her death.. jus wanna let u noe, huiming is n will always be my best senior.. pls be considerate to her death next time..

for those frenz who noticed my lost of appetite, thanks for ur concern.. my health is kind of bad recently.. but will recover soon i hope.. =)

my chest pain is back once again.. haiz..

2009-07-27T23:41:00.004+08:00

wa.. im so tired.. fell aslp during studying chem n woke up now.. shit..

e latter person i mentioned in my post had gave up.. cos she tot she was nt capable of e project?? haiz.. i dun understand y she is nt confidence abt herself.. it was jus an misunderstanding between u and e juniors.. anyway, e person in charge has chosen a new leader for e whole project.. which means im supposed to be under new leader now.. i tink she feel e same pain as me too.. well.. but i doubt i will be working wif her again.. cos they are planning to shift me to another department.. from china to peranakan.. sth new again!! wish e latter e best for her stay in china.. dun avoid ur responsibilities and ppl effort.. u can do it, jus do it.. ur 'hack care' attitude change if possible.. im sorry if i said harsh tings abt u during meeting.. cos u mention sth tt sumhow triggered me..

im so dead tmr..

11.53pm

2009-07-27T18:36:00.003+08:00

actually wad i said wasn't wad u tot i meant..
no1 ever said being a leader is tt easy..

sumtimes if u tink abt it, if u were me, will u feel e same pain too?
when wad u gain from ur effort is attitude n avoidance..
if u were me, i bet u can feel e pain too if u spend e same amount of effort as me..

when all u want is to go back to e past now, hoping tt u were nvr wad u are now..

i hate reality..

e sky today is grey n gloomy.. same as me..
我的心已经灰了.. 灰心...

2009-07-25T22:00:00.002+08:00

im feeling so much happy after chatting wif momo mommy..

actually i was kind of sad abt wad happened ytd.. If i went back to training, only to make sum of them stress or unhappy.. Then im sorry.. I guess in e future i wont be gg back again.. It's true, im already old n stepped down.. So actually i have no rite to comment much.. Haha.. Wasn't tinking too much or emo-ing.. =)

time to let go..

2009-07-24T21:52:00.002+08:00

today is kind of a disappointing day.. shall nt elaborate too much.. e more i say, e more disappointing.. in fact, it's nt only disappointing.. i jus cant find e right word now..

as usual, my bio consultation is postponed again.. cos i tot today e gals team will have pt.. but i guessed i was wrong to push my bio consultation back instead.. so well.. wait till next chance ba..

sumhow, after today, i realised im nt a gd leader.. mayb im nt born 1..

2009-07-21T20:12:00.002+08:00

down wif bad cough n flu.. so tired.. yet mus finish all tut 1st.. haiz.. feel like gg to die soon.. =(

近来发现，有些女生没有男生似乎不能活下去似的。haiz.. 每次听着她对自己的桃花运有多么烦恼，我虽不嫉妒，但感到很累。现在大家都是学生，会考就在十月十一日开始，难道不能不去想男人吗？真的不了解她在想什么。她的‘target’ 似乎一直在变，难免让我觉得她是‘花心大萝卜’。

接下来的日子，我必须专注在学业上，一定要考进大学！

2009-07-17T19:15:00.002+08:00

jus get to realise our class is far behind other classes for bio.. im kind of very worried abt my bio prelim.. cos i really wanna score well.. but it jus seems tt we wont be able to finish e syllabus tut by prelim.. e speed is slow.. im tinking of ways to catch up.. have to do revision on own i guess..

anyway, im back to mf ytd.. saw my badminton juniors ytd.. happy =).. i oso saw mdm ng, mr lee JY, mdm shanti, ms chia, mr george lee.. ms mok n mdm koh.. other tchers dun really recognize.. didnt have a chance to see mrs tay n ms ng (shld call her mrs lee now)..

time passes very fast once i left mf.. in fact, i discovered tt im closer to my sec sch gd frenz than jc.. mayb cos sec sch have more time to treasure n life is nt so hectic n stress.. but jc is kind of studying everyday n will have competition like tt.. so will feel stress wif sum of their presence.. nt all.. i dun feel tt stress wif sengyie n peiwen.. jus feel tt jc will be better if we have more time to treasure ppl ard us.. haha.. but who is worth treasuring then is personal opinion..

next few wks will be busy preparing for all e tests, timed pieces n most impt of all, PRELIM!! so have to work harder.. mus nt slack so much le..

i rmb my dream.. my goal.. to be a virologist.. =)

2009-07-13T17:28:00.002+08:00

我一直跟自己说“这是最后一次的机会...”
但我到底给自己多少次‘最后机会’
我到底要欺骗自己到什么时候呢？
事实是我已经失去‘最后机会’了
它在我不知不觉时，悄悄地离开了
是时候放开不属于自己的东西
是时候离开不属于自己的地方

我已经不属于过去了，是时候离开那里
我应该往前方看，往前方走
过去的事已成为事实
我无法改变，也无法再停下脚步
前方才是我的未来

但我能有勇气往前方走吗？
我不知道
因为我太累了...

2009-07-11T20:18:00.004+08:00

ytd took badminton photo.. so happy.. finally get to see my gals team n e j2 guys.. haha.. see sum familiar faces is gd.. at least wont feel tt im all alone.. =) im missing e badminton team..

after badminton photo was class photo.. we took sum funky shot wif our "nerd" look.. if given a chance, i will blog e photo here.. but i cant.. mdm tay dun allow.. haha.. cos we really looked very nerd wif all e ties, long length skirts.. skirts n pants all pulled till very high.. haha.. so funny lah.. so if u wanna see, ask me.. i will try to show u.. haha..
thur im gg back to mf.. to see my mf juniors.. n sum tchers.. after tt shall start to work hard on my prelim.. 8th n 9th wk is e prelim.. so dead.. cant believe time pass so fast..

im given a opportunity to go to a scholarship tok next sun.. all e uni there are overseas well-known uni.. dunno wan to go there see see anot.. guess if shirley nt gg, im nt gg too.. n im being offered a scholarship from moe?? kind of shocked.. but mus be a tcher if i accept e scholarship.. tt's kind of weird.. cos i nvr tot of myself being a tcher.. haha.. n i dun wan to be a tcher too..

suddenly my chest pain is back again..

2009-07-09T20:58:00.002+08:00

突然想起杨老师
现在的她
应该过得很好吧
希望下个星期四
我会鼓起勇气
跟她说话

2009-07-05T20:13:00.003+08:00

1st wk of sch finally passed..
6 more wks to prelim..
i havent revise finish maths, bio, chem n econs..
bio p3 i dun really understand.. omg..
chem im weak in explanation qs..
maths im weak in graph, differential, integration, vectors..
econs im weak in reaching level 3..
i mus buck up..

i finally cut my hair today wif momo n addie.. e fringe was kind of short.. but momo said i look nicer.. so i mus believe momo.. haha..

tmr playing badminton wif momo, addie n her sis.. haha.. finally can exercise more.. im starting to lose skills in badminton..

speaking of badminton, kind of miss my yj gals team.. haha.. quite sumtime nvr see their faces.. so nt use to it.. cos ard march to may had been looking at them almost everyday.. now step down le, e feeling is really quite different.. hope i can go back on their 1st training tis term.. =)

next thur or next next thur, im gg back mf.. gg back to see mf juniors.. oso to pass ms ng her bday present.. pass e tchers their advance tchers' day card.. cos wont be gg back mf ard tchers' day.. cos near prelim days.. >.<>

2009-06-28T23:20:00.002+08:00

tmr is e start of sch.. haiz.. another long day.. =(

近来，觉得生活的速度慢下。不知这是否是件好事... 因为习惯忙碌的生活，所以突然慢下，感到有点不知所措。

有时太过好的感情会让人认为这不属于自己的。因为太好，所以是乎不符合残酷的现实。这份感情未必是友情，也未必是说自己的。

突然想念中学的日子，或许有些不如意的事，但有群好友陪伴。

初级学院的日子，有很多不如意，同一群好友在心灵上陪伴，但学院里的日子还是很痛苦，因为很少看到好友那熟悉的脸孔。有时遇到不如意的事时，能看到熟悉的脸是件好事，因为它让人能够轻松一下，最少神经不会那么紧绷。

近来，遇到一个蛮不讲理的无聊人。周围的好友应该懂他-那个讨厌人是谁。说‘他’是尊重他，因为他的行为有时不像是正常人所做的。他为了‘提高’自己的身份，不惜一切，踩在他人的身上爬。这种行为真的让人看了有够呕的。如果他能看到这一段，希望他能反省一下，不要再把自己放得高高在上，他人就得成为他的垫。如果不反省，有天没有知己，他应该不会感到惊讶。此刻的我既然会写这一段，就不怕他人指责我的不对，因为有人通知我一些事情，所以我现在感到很愤怒！

2009-06-27T16:46:00.005+08:00

my new timetable is a total killer.. those white sections are my breaks.. those coloured are my lessons.. n mon is e 1st day of sch.. straightaway only half an hr break in between.. urgh.. kill me.. most prob i will knock out ard econs ASP.. =(

next tue is chem banding test.. i havent really start.. cos recently too sick to study.. haiz.. i tink i will band into sumwhere E, S or U?? die le.. ms ong will sure say im nt performing to her standards.. mus really study harder tis few days to catch up.. hopefully banding test i wont die so "pretty"??

tmr is jie's bday!! will be out most probably whole day.. so mus go do chem now!! haiz.. pls save me man..

oh.. n tis is my adorable nephew!! he tinks he is sum sumo wrestler?? haha..

xinyi is dying soon.. >.<

2009-06-24T19:16:00.007+08:00

im having gastric flu recently.. so having slight fever, headache and kept running to toilet.. >.<

anyway, i finally transfered sum photos from hp to e com..

fri - ACM

sat - sci centre.. playing tt "HAHA mirror" wif peiwen..

2009-06-19T23:05:00.004+08:00

today is a happy day!! went playing badminton wif eugene.. then continued playing wif peiwen, sengyie n mdm tay.. playing wif 3 of them was so fun.. haha.. n mdm tay was amazed by my muscle power 88.. mayb cos it's light n e string tension nt bad.. haha.. similarities between e 3 of them were tt they will shout or scream when they miss e shuttle.. haha.. n i like to smash them to see their reactions.. peiwen's reaction was rather scary.. sengyie will start "waaaaaaaa".. mdm tay will point n me n give me tt "u're so dead" face.. haha.. so funny..

then i went to museum night activities wif lijia ah ma n tynn.. mdm tay n her frenz joined along too.. n i had fun!! 1 of e free gifts today was alcoholic drink.. i took a sip.. it's nice.. haha.. n was there zi high.. guess my face was red so mdm tay knew tt i drank, trying to force me to admit.. haha.. asked me open mouth at south east asia gallery.. wonder wad can she find out from jus 1 sip.. >.< anyway, i had reached e lawful age.. =)

let's hope tmr science trip to science centre will be enjoyable too.. n sun im meeting momo mommy, jiewei n yuanting ah soh!! =)

2009-06-13T21:24:00.002+08:00

wa.. mus blog down my next 2 wks schedules so tt my frenz, seniors n juniors can make appointment wif me..

14th jun: IT fair wif my sis
15th jun: do maths, bio at home
16th jun: do maths, bio at home
17th jun: mayb study wif sengyie n peiwen for bio consultation, jiayi's bday
18th jun: consultation wif mdm tay n study wif sengyie n peiwen
19th jun: study wif sengyie n peiwen, badminton wif both of them n mdm tay from 2pm to 4pm.. i wan to play badminton!!
20th jun: bio p3 trip to science center.. anthony's bday.. celebration of father's day!!
21st jun: outing wif yuanting n jiewei at late afternoon..
22nd jun: outing wif CuSO6 EX
23rd jun: study chem
24th jun: chem pre banding test, mayb gg back mf to see my badminton juniors..
25th jun:
26th jun:
27th jun: study chem
28th jun: outing wif momo mommy n addie jie jie!! addie's bday!!
29th jun onwards: sch reopens!! urgh..

still got a cycling trip wif huiyi, sengyie n peiwen they all.. havent plan yet.. busy holidays.. only left 25th n 26th june im more free.. but shld be studying at home too.. or watch movie wif nantheni they all or cycle wif huiyi, peiwen n sengyie.. haha.. put 1 day for each.. wow.. at least can enjoy abit during holidays.. cos 1st 2 wks all gone to studies.. >.<

e following 2 wks shld be studying at home?? although there are constructions nearby.. but no choice.. lazy to go out sumtimes.. or go study wif sengyie n peiwen at sumwhere.. wa.. tired wor..

2009-06-11T06:19:00.002+08:00

all of a sudden, i jus dun feel like gg to sch.. very scare of bio tests.. in fact im very scare of all tests.. recently almost every single day has test.. haiz.. kind of very stress.. =(

suddenly tink tt ytd nite mayb shldnt let my junior noe so much abt my stress.. mayb i will kind of freak her out or sth?? cos i sound like i wanna go n die.. but no lah.. i jus meant stress.. nth more than tt.. so sorry towards her..

but sumhow it reminded me of sth.. was tinking if i shld let e juniors noe wad e seniors tink of sum1.. i dunno how to phrase it too.. jus tt it is hard to mention ba.. wad if i tell them, then they will have wrong idea tt im jealous or sth?? so mayb i shld jus keep quiet n see how tings go ba.. haiz..

oh ya.. my nephew is very adorable n HEAVY!! urgh.. gd tt i normally train my arm muscle for badminton, so carrying him is nt a prob.. my poor sis will have muscle pain after carrying him for like half an hr.. but anyway, he is really very adorable.. he can now hold e milk bottle himself.. he even noe how to snatch tings like milk bottle, toys.. n when he finishs his milk, he will tink it's nt enough n start to cry.. so cute..

haiz.. anyway, now mus go sch for bio test le.. 1st period is bio test.. afternoon is maths test.. sian arh!! my life is gone in j2.. =(
6.25am

2009-06-09T17:45:00.002+08:00

tis wk are all tests n tests.. mon was chem organic test.. wed is GP test both paper1 and 2.. thur is bio genetic of bacteria n viruses test.. fri is e most killer - chem pre banding test consists of reaction kinetics, chem bonding, electrochem, organic chem, thermochem.. 5 major chapters.. im starting to doubt tt j2 will ever have holidays.. kind of stress now.. haiz..

anyway, ytd was xiangyi's funeral march out.. but i didnt attend.. cos i was in sch for lessons.. so kind of emo ytd.. like wad sum ppl said, let's hope she will find peace in another world.. mayb it's a kind of relieve for her too.. she had been suffering from all e treatments.. especially after those therapies.. i noe.. i always noe.. jus tt i prefer to remain silence during tis topic.. cos no matter wad i said, oso wont lighten her pain.. e juniors n seniors were very upset.. on e last nite of e funeral, we were all drinking.. trying to cover our sorrow.. but it ended as a bunch of crying ppl, sum crying for her name.. sum crying for god, beg god nt to bring her away.. sum remained silence, e heart was bleeding inside.. huiming left, mentor pauline left, xiangyi oso left..

these few days i saw her.. actually can sense tt my frenship wif her is worsening.. so kind of sad.. tot mayb when i need sum1, she might be there.. but i was kind of wrong.. we are drifting more n more apart.. time to let go.. concentrate on A's.. moreover i wont get to see her often too.. friends come n friends go.. so yeah..

xinyi, jia you ba.. hanging on..

2009-06-06T07:02:00.004+08:00

ytd badminton interhouse doubles, i played a total of 4 matches.. 2 mixed doubles, 2 women doubles.. each match has 2 sets except 1 had 3 sets.. so total i played 9sets.. super tired.. especially for e last 2 matches.. i couldnt even really tink of any strategy.. jus see e shuttle n hit.. kept smashing into e net.. disappointing day.. won 2, lost 2.. super disappointed wif sum1.. nt my partners.. but sum1 whom i shall nt mention her name.. all i can say is human are jus so realistic.. u're respected when u noe how to play n win.. if u dun, u're nth much.. does winning really tt impt?? i dun mind to lose, wad i mind was wad she said..

after interhouse, went to post syf concert wif peiwen.. performances nt bad.. was impressed by e zombie dance?? kind of cool.. jus tt e music is abit eerie.. but suit e atmosphere.. after concert, only had dinner at long john silver ard 9pm.. took e train home from yishun towards marina bay.. supposedly stop at yck.. but i fell aslp n went all e way to city hall n back.. reached home only 11pm plus.. wth.. haiz..
7.20am..

2009-06-04T22:15:00.002+08:00

finally find e time to blog here..

ytd was badminton inter house.. b4 e games really started, hm msg me ard 3.30pm to have mental prepare tt xiangyi might pass away.. was kind of sad n worried.. but i didnt noe wad to say.. so asked hm to update me anyting.. sat on e floor of e hall, looking at 2 of my juniors playing.. then looked ard.. trying hard to control e tears.. my sorrow couldnt escape from james.. n i sort of broke down in front of him.. in e end, i couldnt take e stress n pressure anymore.. so went back hall to play badminton wif james n zhangshou.. a junior commented tt i looked like sponge bob?? but well.. kept smashing to release e stress..

halfway thru wanling's game, 5pm +, hm msg me again.. xiangyi passed away.. felt like crying.. but i controlled.. i dun dare to fully let go n cry.. anyway, i had to play 2 matches of singles.. i won 2.. but e sorrow outweigh all e joy..

walked wif my juniors to bus interchange.. thru out e journey, i didnt dare to tok.. scare e moment i really open my mouth, i will jus break down again.. controlled n controlled once i reach home..

finally let go my emotions..

im missing xiangyi..

e bad ting abt my cip wif cancer patients is tt i had to face wif alot of separations.. n most of e separations are 4eva, for life..

after huiming's death, xiangyi had been accompanying me in e cip most of e times.. now tt she is gone too.. kind of dunno my next direction..

but well.. mus let go i noe.. mus nt be sad for very long.. mus pick myself up soon..

abt 4yrs of gd frenz.. 3yrs plus of memories.. haiz..

i dunno.. i really dunno..
---------------------------------------
met wif momo, addie, mr lee jy today.. kind of happier to see them.. cos finally get to see e familiar faces of my gd frenz.. nt including mr lee i mean.. after meeting them, met peiwen n sengyie for dinner at causeway point.. had sum fun today.. at least i can find sum laughter n and happiness..

let's hope tmr will be a better day..
let's hope tmr i will feel better when i see my beloved juniors n play badminton..
let's hope xiangyi is resting in peace..

2009-06-01T19:56:00.007+08:00

ytd was my day off.. went to watch 'night at the museum 2' wif peiwen at orchard.. met her 1.30pm at orchard.. movie was at 2.50pm.. so we were eating n playing magic wif poker cards while waiting.. >.<

anyway, i went to meet momo mommy n addie jie for dinner at suki sushi.. haha.. i was late.. sorry.. n we started eating plates n plates of sushi n other stuffs.. so happy.. finally got e chance to eat sushi wif my beloved momo mommy n addie jie.. haha.. finally can take a break n slowly enjoy my meal.. =) after dinner, we went to amk library to study.. i was studying chem organic reactions, doing sum econs qs.. mommy was doing complex numbers, jie was studying bio.. haha.. n yeah.. we went home after tt, drinking mr bean on e way to amk hub..

finally, i get to cancel most studying on a sunday.. u have no idea how much i longed for ytd.. finally, it happened..

today, lessons in sch whole day.. from 8.10am to 3.10pm.. only have a hr break from 11.40am to 12.40pm.. canteen was super packed n had to go opposite sch to eat chicken rice wif sengyie n peiwen.. chem we were gg thru thermodynamics, gd tt i had finished e tut in advance.. n bio had a sudden test on virus.. although i like virus e chapter but i tink im gg to fail e test cos i didnt study for it.. so mean of mdm tay, always have surprise tests.. haiz.. >.<

anyway, now i mus start doing e maths tut n extra qs now.. i have feeling tmr might have sudden concept test again.. so it's better to practice more now.. b4 mr sim records all e ugly U or S in my daily marks-class tests.. haiz.. stress stress..

im waiting n hoping tt wed n fri badminton inter house can come faster.. im missing e juniors n my racket..
im waiting n hoping tt thur can come faster.. then i can meet my beloved momo mommy.. =)

2009-05-29T22:31:00.002+08:00

trust me.. im jus so so tired now.. haiz.. recently had been so busy wif studies studies n studies.. everyday mus study till ard 1am plus b4 gg to bed n wake up at 5.30am.. tis is my j2 life.. how "nice"?? huiyi n sum others had been commenting tt im walking like a zombie now.. looking front, n dun even look wad's happening ard or beside.. jus look front n walk.. >.<

anyway, today is bio retest.. hope i can pass.. if nt i had to retest n retest till i pass.. urgh!! i seriously dun like photosynthesis tt chap.. haiz.. no choice.. mus tink of my dream n goal.. my virologist.. mus work harder!!

3 of my sub tchers commented tt my tests results are far below expectations.. n i shld work harder now especially i had stepped down.. cos last mth was busy wif tournaments n trainings, so neglect my studies.. but nvm.. tis time mus try to catch up le.. mus jia you!!

my june holidays is gone too.. 1st 2 wks, everyday mus return to college n study or lessons.. 3rd n 4th wk shld be studying at home or wif peiwen?? haha.. was tinking if i shld ask my juniors to study wif me too?? cos sumtimes quite envy of sum frenz whose cca are very united.. like study tgt after sch.. jus envy.. my cca gals oso nt bad k.. at least we nvr quarrel or break into cliques during training..

2009-05-26T19:47:00.002+08:00

i had flunked my chem n bio tests.. haiz.. sad..

at least in e past, there was sth known as "badminton training" which made me looked forward to go to sch.. n now.. there is sth known as "studies, tests, exams" which makes me wanna run away from sch.. far far from sch..

today was e last ESP coffee section for e j2.. we are now officially graduated from ESP.. e last sentence by e vp, "in a yr time, e gals will be in e uni.." tis sentence seem to be attempting to wake me up.. time flies so fast.. in "a blink of eye", i had been in yj for abt 1 n a half yrs?? jus 5mths more to e 'A' level.. tt's kind of pressurizing.. >.<

he asked us to tink hard wad future course we wan to take.. im seriously tinking now.. mayb i shld consider to be a virologist.. cos im always interested in viruses n definitely, i wan to find e cures for them.. however viruses can mutate fast and in fact nt all e vaccines can prevent 1 to be infected by e viruses.. so viruses are kind of scary.. but i feel like working wif them, at least i can contribute sth to e society.. haha.. cos i can nvr be a doctor.. so might as well be those fighting at e "back-stage".. =) tt's if i can score well enought to be a virologist or a genetic engineering.. =) guess most prob my future career will have sth to do wif bio..

anyway, im still left wif gp n maths hw.. haiz.. sian.. dun feel like doing any hw.. kind of having avoidance syndrome.. =(

sum1, pls cheer me up..

2009-05-23T20:56:00.010+08:00

maths trail 2009 @ sentosa.. 23/5/09

omg.. i nearly typed wrongly from maths trail to maths trial.. haha.. maths trial?? sounds weird..

started e day by having breakfast wif james, my classmates, mr tan n tt leroy at 7am.. i had a big breakfast meal including a regular cup of ice milo.. but actually i had eaten at home, sandwich wif milo too.. so i can withstand hunger for e next few hours at sentosa.. cos sentosa food is really very ex.. anyway saw addie jie, vivian, shirley n her clique, shaunice n astra too..

reported to lobby L at 7.30am.. i was assigned as e team leader of team D.. haha.. so happy.. im e leader of tt leroy.. if nt i will be commanded here n there.. anyway, i was given a orange tag - logistics.. can u imagine?? green shirt, dark blue skirt and orange tag?? colour combination = weird.. but well.. we started to take pic wif each other.. 1st wif my class ppl n yingxin.. then wif my badminton juniors.. =)

anyway, very happy to take pic wif my dearest juniors.. cos quite hard to take pic wif each other.. haha.. n finally astra is more willing to tok to me n joke.. nt those serious face.. so im feeling more relieved now.. hope my friendship wif all e individual juniors (shaunice, gena, szemin, astra n wanling) can last long.. =) n i seriously miss training doubles wif them.. doubles is jus so fun.. >.<

left to right:

orangy astra, orangy szemin, greeny me n orangy shaunice

3 oranges n 1 lettuce??

left to right:

1st row: yongshan, yingxin, peiyen

2nd row: annette, me

4 lettuces and 1 orange??

continuing wif e 'story', we set off to sentosa ard 8am n i had to make sure all e stations at my region (station 17-20) were ready when e whole trail started at 9am.. i paired up wif annette and we were patrolling stage 19 n 20.. left 17 n 18 to leroy.. but anyway, he did nth but sat at delifrance n chat non stop.. so annette n i had to patrol 17 n 18 too.. so both of us were very duper pissed wif tt leroy.. so irresponsible..

my job was to ensure tt all logistic help was given to e stations n to ensure e safety of e participants.. by shouting at them,"can u guys pls push e bicycles out tis stretch?? e stretch of road here is dangerous.." or "can u guys pls use e zebra crossing??" or "pls dun run across e road..".. i tink e ppl sure hate me cos i like shouting n commanding them.. but no choice.. cos im near e end point.. so tchers were monitering annette n i.. we were even scolded cos 1 team dashed across e road b4 we could shout or do anyting..

anyway.. halfway thru both of us felt so bored.. so we went to station 20 to help out.. cos my fav boonie is e station master there.. so haha.. mus help out more.. >.<

i secretly helped shaunice n astra group abit.. taught them P&C way of solving qs.. haha.. other groups were stucked there for so long.. but i dun care.. cos they are nt my juniors.. wahahahaha.. so mean of me.. >.<

end of maths trail was ard 1pm.. was tinking mayb my juniors can win.. but they didnt.. it's okie de.. cos nvm, they did tried their best n complete all stations.. so well done gals.. but e 1st was miaoting's group i tink.. haha..

anyway, i had lunch wif my class ppl today instead.. cos james joined his class.. n i dun wanna face tt leroy to eat.. so pissed wif him.. but i felt quite bad to donovan.. cos i last min then tell him we were nt eating tgt.. haiz.. so guilty man.. =(

after lunch, we went to candy empire!! omg.. so many sweets n chocolates.. all my fav!! wow.. going in there is like heaven.. but if i can have free sampling, there will be so gd!! haha.. i bought 2 boxes of jelly beans, 1 box of gummy bears.. haha.. total $11.30.. no choice.. i jus need sweets n chocolates to cheer me up when im down.. especially recently my tests were all so 'nice'.. cos i passed wif "flying colours".. looking at e qs are = to looking at e galaxy (seeing all e stars).. wow.. i can enjoy e view of "galaxy" in singapore.. tt's jus so "nice"..

thoughts of e day:

1) i miss my badminton team, my juniors and e time wif them.. in fact im closer to them than e j2.. >.<

2) maths trail 2009 was fun.. but maths trail 2008 was e best cos my team came in 3rd..

3) leroy is so irresponsible and i wanna kill him now..

---------------------------------------------

early in e morning, ard 1.30am.. i jus suddenly tot of huiming.. it had been more than 1 yr since her death.. n i remembered her last sentence to me, "欣仪，谢谢你".. a simple sentence.. yet it made me cry whenever im remembered it.. jus hope tt if there is after life, she will be happy n relax now.. if there is really after life, hope she will wait for me..
e senior im closest to.. cos both of us were e leaders of e team.. even though we were in different teams.. but we tok to each other of our troubles n difficulties.. n im seriously missing her.. i miss e times when we sat at e stairs along e singapore river, e way we chat, e way we laughed.. if only time can go back again.. i will treasure my times wif her more.. but well, it's e past.. so can only treasure ppl ard me..
like wad momo mommy said, it's hard to treasure ppl ard u.. so can only pray tt they can be healthy n happy always..
ppl i wanna treasure now:
my family
my gd frenz (momo, addie, CuSO6 EX etc)
most of my classmates (sunshine, peiwen etc)
my badminton team-mates (shaunice, szemin, astra, gena, wanling, sri n emilyn.. nt 4getting sum of e guys..)
my museum frenz.. (lijia, lijing etc)
tchers (mrs tay, ms ng, mdm tay, mdm ng etc)
n many more i guess..
scarcity: limited resources, unlimited wants.. haiz..

2009-05-20T21:24:00.002+08:00

i finally managed to tok to her today due to sum work.. as in tok to her face to face.. but i didnt dare to have eye contact wif her.. nt tt im guilty or sth.. it's jus tt im very scare tt i will miss her more when im gone.. in fact, it applies to sum others.. i dun dare to look into eyes of those who i noe im gg to miss.. but they will say,"hey, can u look at me anot??".. i tink she wont mind actually if i dun look at her.. normally i will msg her.. especially recently i had been rather irritating?? kept on msging her.. haha.. like tis morning, all of a sudden jus msg her tt she is a nice fren.. but it will only be for now, in e future might nt have e opportunity anymore.. jus miss e days working wif her.. haha.. but tis kind of words is hard to say out.. nvm.. next few days i will be working wif her for sum stuff.. hopefully i can manage to treasure tis opportunity to tok to her..

today i shld feel fortunate.. in sch, peiwen cut fried fish cutlet for me to eat.. at home, mom picked out all e fish bones for me.. haha.. so im rather blissful.. >.<>

maths trail logistics helper shirt is green?? n it looks like im on a environmental project instead.. like those "love the green" project?? seems like we can jus hide sumwhere in the bushes wifout ppl realising us.. n on e shirt is still e maths formulae.. oh wow.. i love maths till tis stage when im willing to wear maths formulae printed shirts..

tmr is e dialogue wif e P on cca.. let's hope i can survive tis 2 hrs wifout offencing any1.. cos i jus tink they are unfair to us.. so planning on how to voice out my opinion.. n e dialogue is jus after my chem organic test.. so cool.. i might jus be brain dead sumwhere..

jus now was msging sunshine tt i hadn't been toking to her for quite sum time.. so wanna catch up wif her.. haha.. after all we same class but different cliques.. n i totally 4got e fact tt there is chem test tmr.. n she reminded me.. sunshine is still as nice as ever.. haha.. matahari saya.. =)

mayb next yr i will be back to yjc to study again.. n tis time, shaunice will be my capt.. so nice.. >.<

2009-05-19T22:45:00.002+08:00

jus now i saw her twice in sch.. actually wanna go forward n say hi to her.. but sth stopped me.. i guess i still need sumtime to figure out wad's best n wad's nt.. anyway i feel like toking to her on msn now.. but i guess she is busy..

one of e tchers said she will be depressed if she marks my test paper.. i guess tt is a bad news.. so well.. i shld be mental prepared n pray hard tt today econs block test i can do well.. even though it's a big killer..

today maths nite lecture is e last lecture.. n yanling was sitting beside me.. trying to tell me who have crush on me.. according to her, 1 of them had a crush on me last yr.. e other 1 has a crush on me now.. n she asked me to open my eyes wide n see for myself.. haha.. okie.. but i tink she might be wrong.. but wad she said remind me of last yr.. when i had tis crush on a guy.. dun tink he noe it.. but we are sort of close frenz.. haha.. but in e end, i noe he had a crush on sum1 else on is close to me.. so naturally i back out.. so now.. i dun really have a crush le.. haha.. studies more impt..

2009-05-16T23:12:00.002+08:00

omg.. im studying till i wanna puke le.. sumtimes will feel tis way.. dunno if others will feel so?? anyway now is reaching 12am.. so felt abit sian.. but no choice i guess.. j2 life is so ..... *no words to describe..*

now sms chatting wif momo.. haha.. very long nvr really chat wif her le.. i miss her very much.. yeah.. cos she is my momo mommy.. n we always tell each other our problems.. haha.. anyway was telling her tt i saw YY at northpoint e other day.. but she nvr see me.. so we nvr say hi or anyting.. actually i oso kind of miss YY.. cos last time i saw her was on tis yr MF CCA exhibiton?? is it?? i couldnt really rmb.. but back to momo, we were discussing if life in MF will be easier n simpler anot.. haha.. she triggered me to tink back abt e days in MF.. seem so long ago.. but i agreed life can be simpler.. if it was simpler, perhaps there wont be so many misunderstandings.. but well.. it's e past.. so shld concentrate on e present.. =)

actually i tink now tt im in JC, im more of mature as compared to sec sch.. cos most of e time i will tink of consequences b4 doing sum ting.. i will prevent myself from falling into other ppl's trap.. so kind of better.. sumore i learnt to let go sumtimes.. at MF, i was always holding on to almost everyting.. so carried alot of "burdens" then kind of cant "run fast n smooth".. but at JC, after letting go, i felt so relieved now.. so can concentrate better i tink.. >.<

speaking of letting go.. now tt i stepped down from badminton.. kind of missing e busy life.. like training then go home rush hw or sth.. so felt rather empty sumtimes.. then start to do tut tt even tcher nvr ask me to do.. haha.. im so weird.. tink ppl ard me will tink im a mugger.. but actually im nt.. i like to slack.. today whole day i wasn't doing much work.. so tmr mus work harder to pay back..

oh ya.. i was very shocked tt HN msg me today.. she asked me to help her junior in chinese?? cos last yr i helped her n we both get A for 'A' lvls chinese.. so most prob im helping her junior in P1.. cos P1 is my most confident paper.. haha.. was tinking if i shld offer help to my juniors too.. help them to secure e 1st 'A' at least.. but mayb im nt tt pro too.. >.<

let's pray tt tmr i will wake up from dreams.. i will treasure tings ard me.. i will work hard n be more productive..
11.35pm

2009-05-16T20:23:00.003+08:00

早上被一个噩梦吓醒，梦见我和她在vivo的一间厕所，我问她，“其实你还相信我吗？”。而她很确定地回答我，“No”。在梦里的我，点了点头，转过头，边走边哭。结果吓醒了，泪水还在流。

终于在中午时，我鼓起了勇气，发个简讯问她，“你还相信我吗？”。在等待她的答案时，心情真的很紧张。因为我真的不想失去她的信任与友谊...

手机震动了，荧幕上显示着她的名字，我按着荧幕（因为手机是touch screen的），心里拼命求神一定要帮我守护着这份友谊。而她的答案是，“yup.”。此刻，我松了一口气。

上次的错误，我不会再犯了。感谢她给我多一次机会。

神啊，请你一定要保佑我能够珍惜周围的人，并且能够让他们开心，快乐。

really very relieved n happy tt i nvr lose my friendship wif u.. i really tot i will.. thanks..

2009-05-15T21:01:00.003+08:00

in e end, i went today.. brought along my last gifts for them.. yeah.. it's a mini tingy.. so.. hope they like it..

anyway, i expected wad happen today came true.. so yeah.. felt quite sad now.. on e way home, walking from yck mrt, i cant control anymore n broke down.. tink pretty sense tt im gg to break down in hall, so quickly brought me out to go home..
----------------------------------------
played wif my juniors e last game today.. actually i like to play doubles alot.. because doubles requires trust for ur partner.. so well.. i played my last doubles game wif ST.. she had to serve throughout e whole game cos i had double vision.. anyway double vision = giddy = i see 2 "ST" n 2 "shuttles" running ard.. yeah.. double vision for my last doubles.. anyway im kind of use to double vision.. so wont miss much shuttles today..

can see tt she was kind of reluctant to pair up wif me.. cos played 1 game then we stopped.. we nvr really finish a match.. so well.. kind of too bad.. after today, im giving my "hubby"=my racket to my cousin.. cos cant play badminton anymore le.. haiz.. during e doubles match jus now, i already sensed tt my physical is getting weaker.. so yeah.. even fell down cos i cant see well n tripped on my leg.. so dumb.. now right knee has a big bruise and cuts..

was telling jie tt mayb even b4 'A' i oso die le.. haha.. cos feel like im dying soon.. haha.. sounds so weird.. but dun worry.. i will nvr commit suicide or wad.. i wont escape problems wif sucide..

if ever i really die, pls rmb me yeah.. cos i will rmb u all..
----------------------------------------
still kind of sad now.. if i can.. i will treasure our friendship.. i will promise nt to make e same mistakes again.. i jus miss e times..

2009-05-13T18:48:00.003+08:00

ytd went home ard 10pm after maths nite lec.. 1st ting was to check sth in my blogger.. n i found it under draft.. in my memories, i really nvr publish it.. cos after i typed it, i felt weird so deleted tt.. n i totally 4get tt blogger will auto save any post in case disconnect occurs.. n wad made me surprised was how come tt post was seen by others?? im really very troubled by tis.. i really dunno wad's happening.. even if i wanna try explaining, oso seem to useless.. cos if i were her, i oso wont believe such a story.. so i shld jus keep quiet ba.. although she said nvm,4get e whole issue.. but i tink she had lost all e trust in me.. cos along i seem to be lying to her.. but i was lying but i dunno?? contradicting.. all i can only say now is sorry.. really very sorry.. jus let nature takes its course..

wad jie jie said was quite true.. friends come n friends go.. i shld learn to let them go bravely.. "when u love a friend, let her go.. if she returns, she's ur friend.. if she nvr, mayb she was only meant to be a passer-by who crossed ur path of life for a short period.." exact words of wad jie said.. so yeah.. quite true.. if e trust is really gone, no point holding it.. time to learn to let go.. love a fren doesn't mean tt mus have her trust or wad.. jus by seeing her happy, i shld be satisfied.. nt to say friendship is a 2 way ting.. 1 way wont work, 2 way works well..

jus wanna say e last word to her.. sorry..
--------------------------------------
halfway through chem lec today, suddenly felt a sharp pain at my heart.. tot i will heart attack.. but of course i didnt, if nt i wont be here to blog.. tink my heart cant cope wif e stress.. so yeah.. doc said there is a possibility tt 1 day if i overwork my heart and it will jus stop 4eva.. cos heart is jus like a "pumping machine" in one's body system.. it will stop when it's old or when it's too tired..
--------------------------------------
jie said i shld start treasuring ppl ard me.. cos time is limiting and no1 noe wad will happen e next min.. so yeah.. tinking if fri shld i go.. i oso dunno how.. it's jus e guilt tt is stopping me.. haiz..

pls teach n guide me wad shld i do.. cos im very lost now..
--------------------------------------
ppl ard me can sense my sadness today.. according to them im always laughing n playing ard.. but today all i did was to jus sat there n stone.. sat there n tink how shld i face sum frenz.. so they said tt task of e day: make xinyi happy n laugh.. thanks ppl.. thanks for nt asking me wad happened.. cos u guys noe i will break down.. really thanks alot ppl..